I will protect who I want to be...

I’ve been searching and searching for a blog with the same ideas as I have for myself and my family.  I kept thinking “I can’t be the only one to think this way” but after empty searches I have given up on finding a “how to be me” blog and decided I needed to make my own.  First I have to figure out how to be me comfortably…

How I protect who I want to be…

I am determined to have a great relationship with my husband – granted some of my methods might be a little backwards but for the most part I feel my determination will eventually prevail.  Part of my dedication to my husband is my commitment to him to remain faithful.  I have made comments in the past about me not having or wanting male friends because I don’t want there to ever be the opportunity of an affair occurring.  The comments I got from this were for the most part unsupportive.  This is something I chose for myself and not for anyone else.  I was basically told that because I chose not to have male friends that I was not trusting and did not truly love my husband cause if I did I would have nothing to worry about.  I beg to differ – it is because I truly love my husband that I keep myself away from potentially dangerous situations.  Why would I need a friend (not acquaintance) of the opposite sex at this point in my life?  If I need a guy’s opinion – I ask my husband; if I want to do “guy” things- I do them with my husband.  I am almost certain that of those who had affairs, the affair started off as some type of innocent friendship. 

Along the same aspect of friendship – I have began to weed out “friendships” (more like acquaintances) and cutting off connections with those who have completely different viewpoints of what they want out of life.  Just a few examples of this would be…

People actively seeking or involved in extramarital relationships – I have no respect for those cheating on their spouse.  While I understand that people have made mistakes in their past and I don’t hold that against them, but they can control the present and prevent the future. 

I do not want to be around or even talk about drugs.  I have never tried them nor will I ever try them.  Honestly, even the discussion of someone else doing drugs makes me uncomfortable.  I have nothing to prove to those who say I am missing out or that there is nothing wrong with it.  That’s fine – you do what you want to do but keep it away from me and my family. 

I do not need to drink and party every night – I have a little girl at home who needs me more then I need to have fun time.  Perhaps when she is MUCH older I will go out more but there is enough that I miss while I am at work – I don’t want to miss out on more.

I will be a positive influence in my children’s lives.  I will not let TV or video games raise my kids.  I will know and approve what they watch, I will know their friends, I will take them to church, and I will tell them NO. 

I will be who I will be and not allow anyone to try to make me more “relaxed” because I feel when I drop the values I hold close to my heart, it’s not only me that I will fail, but my family too.  I feel in today’s society I have to be even more particular because there are so many negative influences, most of which go unnoticed by so many.  I have allowed people to influence my decisions in the past to do things I regret and it may happen again in the future – but it is going to be a fight getting to that point. 

Choosing to be Positive

The more I try to make my life better the more I notice how much the outside world influences me.  I am very thankful that I am becoming more aware of what is going on around me and am able to pinpoint things that I do not like and do not want in my life.  Although I consider myself a rational person, irrational thoughts do tend to run through my head constantly; most of it involves my family life. 

I have the tendency to go into crisis mode if my husband and I ever argue and want to immediately make up some rules or some other type of structure to keep the argument from happening again because I fear in 20 years our marriage will be in shambles if we don’t do something RIGHT NOW.   A few weeks ago I went into meltdown mode at one of our small group meetings because we were discussing marriage.  One of the couples in our group has been married for 25+ years and they said they never fight and are very loving toward one another.  Immediately I knew I wanted that but had no clue how to get that kind of marriage – hence meltdown mode.  I’m not use to couples actually liking each other after they had been married for so long.  I’m use to “he’s so stupid!” or “I’m here because I’m tolerant” and that scares the crap out of me because I don’t want that for myself. 

I remember getting so frustrated with my husband for not understanding my urgency to make our marriage as good as we could possibly get it but then I asked him “didn’t your parents ever fight?”  He looked at me and said that he honestly doesn’t remember them fighting.  I knew then that this was my fight; it is almost like he is oblivious to how bad marriage could actually be.  My fear is not something I can blame on others – I am an adult now and I need to retrain myself to look at the good and not focus so much on the bad. 

I’ve been fighting this fight of focusing on the good for a few weeks already and have already noticed a few simple changes in my own behavior.  Checking back on my Facebook my negative comments have been very controlled.  I notice while reading other’s comments I get a sick feeling when I come across one that I know is not a positive influence on me and I reevaluate my relationship with the person posting the status.  If I find this person is constantly negative I hide their posts, otherwise I chalk it up to having a bad day.   This is one of my boundaries I have set up for myself.  I’m not going to continue to allow other people to drag me down with their destructive behavior. 

My boundaries are a topic of their own, one of which I will address shortly.  I need to write them down and share them so that way others will know and hopefully respect my boundaries if there is ever a time where they could possibly be crossed.

Holidays - what they are REALLY about...

What is Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Thanksgiving - I get so aggravated with people who think Thanksgiving is all about a big meal – REALLY? It’s about spending quality time with your family and friends, about giving thanks for what you have (as in your family and friends – not material things). So many people love Thanksgiving because the next day is BLACK FRIDAY and they can get up at o’dark thirty and go shopping for Christmas.

Christmas – a time meant to celebrate the birth of Christ but has now become more about Santa Clause and presents. You can’t even say Merry Christmas now without offending someone – I’m sorry but if you are going to be offended by that then don’t leave your house for the month of December. Why does Christmas have to be about how much money you can spend rather than the important things?

Growing up mama always made sure we had a good Christmas, and yes, as a kid I enjoyed it, but I too was very appreciative of what I had. I never counted all my presents to make sure I had equal or more than I did the year before and it irritates me more than anything else to see kids do that. To me, when kids are counting their gifts then they have not been taught what Christmas is really about. I am so aggravated with how spoiled kids are becoming – getting toy after toy all the time then at Christmas you have to go above and beyond so they have a “good Christmas.”

I remember learning about a friend of mine who got one present on Christmas and was floored that was all she got – but she was very appreciative of it and didn’t complain. Why can’t we all be that way? Make it about being with family rather than material things.

How many times has Christmas ended and kids not even know what they got because they got so much? How many toys are broken on the same day? How many gifts are never taken out of boxes because your kids didn’t like the toy? How much money is thrown away because you are trying to keep up with everyone else?

Now that I have a daughter I want her to grow up knowing the true meaning of these holidays and not about how much STUFF she will get. I don’t want her to expect a toy every time we go shopping or complain if she didn’t get what she wanted. I would much rather give her memories rather than STUFF. I’d rather her think of others first. I want her to be happy and things don’t do that – things are only temporary where family and friends are forever.

My Best Friend

My best friend – Gabrielle Micale – has been one of the most influential people in my life and I have not given her the credit she deserves.

I moved to Georgia in 8th grade and Gabrielle was one of the first people who introduced themselves to me in gym class. She was very friendly and LOUD – not shy in the least bit unlike little mousy me. I was use to hiding in the shadows thanks to my bottle cap glasses (which my husband named my Hootie Owl glasses) but by this point I got contacts but the shyness didn’t disappear overnight. The next day she was the only person I could remember their name since I associated it with Gabrielle off Xena the Warrior Princess (gosh it has been a long time since I’ve seen that show) so thus our friendship began. She introduced me into her group “the Fab Five” and we all became friends. That was until the dreaded LETTER…you see we had a project we did together and she failed to do her part on time and it irritated me so much I wrote her the infamous LETTER basically calling her out. We eventually got over it but it was miserable during that off time cause all my friends were her friends first.

We made it to high school and made lots of great memories including late night trips to McDonalds for French fries and ice cream, Yummy Yummy chicken, and had even bought $0.23 worth of gas. There were lots of sleepovers, crazy birthday parties and of course we can’t forget about the kitchen sink.

After High School life pulled us into different directions. I stayed home and got a job and went to school at night and she went an hour away to school, which at the time seemed so far away. I ended up getting married and although I had my sister be my Maid of Honor, she was great, helping me the whole way. Although I don’t remember her exact speech at the reception I remember it was AWESOME.

I remember when she came into town to tell me about her relationship that she couldn’t tell me over the phone. I think she was a little shocked when I didn’t have anything negative to say when she said “HER name is…” I don’t know what she really expected me to do – she was my best friend – there was no way I was giving her up because she had a different choice in partner than I did. My husband at the time had a lot to say and we would fight ALL THE TIME about her choice. I flat out told him once that if he made me choose between him and my friendship that he would be the one to go. This is the time where my backbone began to grow. I made the choice to stand up to him when he DEMANDED that she never come into HIS house because she was going to turn me gay – of all the ignorant things a person could say…REALLY??? (There is a reason I’m not married to him anymore).

Gabrielle has been there through all the good and bad times in my life. She was even there for both of my weddings and the birth of my daughter. She has always looked out for me, sheltering me from certain things so I wouldn’t be uncomfortable or scared. She has taught me how to speak my mind and how to break out of my little turtle shell I liked to hide in (cause if you hang around her enough that loudness rubs off on you). Anytime I need advice, she is the one I call. She is the kind of friend that people long to have and if you don’t know her – you really should because she is truly one of a kind.

So what can I do to make sure she knows I appreciate her – I dedicate a blog post to her!