Time to breathe

Time to breathe…

For the last four months my life has consisted of sleep, work and school, papers and deadlines, tests and tax returns and most of all there was no time to breathe. 

This year I worked at least 116 hours of overtime in 2.5 months on top of being away from home for an additional 8 hours a week going to school – yeah, breathing time was not high on the priority list.  My husband was a real champion during this time, not complaining about taking care of Colleen or never seeing me.  He may have been a little fussy one night when I had to call him to rescue me at 11pm from the side of the road because I may have had a fight with a curb and it won, putting a nice hole in the side of my tire – but all in all my time away was pretty uneventful. 

I took my last exam last night, turned in my last paper last week, and now there is nothing to do but wait for grades; not that I really care what grade I make, just as long as I pass.  School is officially out of my mind for the next month and a half.  For the next 49 days I will get to go to work at 9, leave at 5 and actually have time to spend with my family and with myself. 

So my new dilemma – what to do with all this time I will have.  I don’t want to waste the time with mindless TV watching or internet searching.  I want to do something meaningful with my time, something that I will look back on and think it was fun.  I desperately want to be fun…it’s just my non-fun self holding me back.  So I did my traditional “Tanya” thing and made a list…

A few things I really want to do with my time:

1.       DEEP clean and organize my house – I would like to be able to have visitors, however, not being home for the past four months has really done a number on my house work.  Colleen keeps growing and outgrowing toys/clothes as well as her ability to persuade you into buying her more stuff at the store “OHHHH!  Mommy I LOVE THIS!  Can I have it PLEASE?”  Yep – enter guilty absent mommy here and soon you have overabundance of STUFF.

2.       Healthy living – I've been surviving off fast food and junk these past few months, no time to really cook good healthy food or even go to the grocery store so my weight has increased a few pounds – not that I didn't need to gain a few pounds, but my clothes are starting to get tight and after I splurged and bought good clothes I really do not want to have to go up a size. I want to actually plan my meals, exercise, and play outside (which means I will have to brave the bugs) with Colleen and get some color on my pale self.

 

3.       Spend time with Colleen – it was heartbreaking some mornings when I’d leave for work and Colleen would look up at me and say “Mommy, I don’t want you to go to work – can you stay at home with me?”  My sweet baby girl…

4.       Sew/Paint – I know I've been saying I wanted to learn how to sew for years; I have everything I need to do it, except the time.  Now I will have the time to devote to practicing; the same for painting – I really enjoyed going to my painting classes, and while I’m not very good at it, I think I am better than when I first started, therefore I can paint some pictures to replace some of the not so great ones hanging on my office wall – the ones that people keep asking if my child painted…yep – awkward.

5.       Build real relationships – I've always wanted to be the person who took cookies to the neighbors, who people stopped to say “Hello” to, but I’m not that person – YET.  I’m still “Mark’s wife” to the neighbors who even know who I am.  I want to be the dependable neighbor – the one people go to when they need something, emergency baby sitter, a cup of sugar, etc.  I want to have adult conversations with real people and not just post a status on Facebook to have people, who I never talk to, give me their comments on.  I want to have barbecues in my back yard (which means I need to clean up my back yard too – see “What I want to accomplish number 1” and add “Clean back yard”). 

6.       Grow spiritually – I need to discipline myself to reading and studying the Bible, I need to quit relying on my own ability to control things (since we all know how much I like to be in control).  I tend to want instant results in this area – I want to know everything quickly – do everything right instantly – so I guess the first thing I need to work on is my patience.  One step at a time.  I have been able to memorize one Bible verse – mainly because I've written it so many times trying to get it to look nice on my dry erase board…”Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” Philippians 4:6

Most of all I want to live a meaningful life and not just live life.  I want to be intentional with the things I do.  I want to be different, the good different, the different that people can look at and say “I can take charge of my life too” – I want to quit letting the world dictate to me how I am suppose to be, what I am suppose to do.  I want to be the person to make a difference to those around me and I will accomplish this during my new free time, the time I will use to breathe and live life to the fullest.    

It takes a village...

Children are running around hitting, screaming, telling parents what to do, and being all out disobedient. Why? Is it because parents don’t have the help they need? Is it because the schools can no longer do anything about it? Is it because spankings are a thing of the past for the majority of the population? I think it is a combination of all the above. One thing I have learned is that no child is the same – therefore not one type of discipline fits every child but one thing is for certain – when disciplining a child, consistency is key.

I was raised getting spankings – not that I was a bad child but I did have my share. Now that I am an adult, while I am not against spankings, I have learned it is not the only effective tool to disciplining children. I have a step-son, who is going to be 8 on Friday, and while I had to adjust to my role as supporter I proved my own theory that children also adjust to certain people and situations. While I thought giving spankings was the only way to make a child behave it was not my place to be the one to dish out that type of punishment, I have never laid a hand on him, but he listens to me and when he is with me he behaves. I credit this to my consistency with him – when I say no – I mean it and when he does something he is told not to do I take action – whether it be sitting down for a time out or taking something away – whichever the situation called for. Since spanking was not an option for me to do I had to adjust. Now if a situation warrants a spanking and I am by myself, I deal with whatever it is until his father gets home and allow him to take over from there.

Something my husband has shoved into my head is “its different when it is your own kid” and while I brushed it off I am beginning to see the truth in that statement. This is why I think me not being Mark’s biological parent has been a blessing in disguise because I can see things that his father can’t and hopefully he will grow up to be a better person because of it. This is also where I think society has gone wrong – because it is different when it comes to your own kids, when punishment left the school system so did the outside support to keep children in line.

How many times have you seen a child not listening to their parents? A LOT! But what do we do? Nothing - we think to ourselves “that parent needs to get a handle on that child” instead of helping them. Parenting is exhausting at times and it’s a 24/7 job – sometimes parents just want the child to shut up so they give into them, creating a bigger problem then what was going on at the moment. I wonder how many parents would be offended if a stranger backed them up by saying “your mother/father said no, you need to listen to them” – and if they are offended – why? I can understand if a stranger came up and started correcting an action without giving the parent time to react (unless it is a very dangerous situation) – but to be supportive after the order is given is something different. We as a society need to step up and help raise the youth. Single parents I believe have an even harder time – I for one would hate to have every decision lying on my shoulders and unfortunately a lot of people are in this position.

This entire blog can be summed up in one saying – “it takes a village to raise a child” but can we become that village again? Nobody wants to feel like they can’t raise their children to be respectable adults on their own but if you think back to the past – kids were never raised by just their parents. People were not afraid to speak up when a child misbehaved, teachers took matters into their own hands, and children were respectful in fear of getting that spanking they deserved if they weren’t. Most children in today’s society fear nothing…

See also my blog about Raising Kids