She's a Dancer...

Last August, I signed Colleen up for her first dance class at a dance studio near my office.  Her class was on Monday's at 10 a.m., not exactly the best time for me but I wanted her to have some way to get some of her energy out.  I really wanted to put her in gymnastics since she is a monkey in disguise, but she was too young and this class had tumbling every other week along with tap and ballet.  After a few months the dance became too much on me, especially since in order to get her to dance every other week I had to take her to work with me for that first hour of the day and she got into EVERYTHING while she was there.  With tax season fast approaching I knew I couldn't do that anymore so I pulled her out at the end of October. 

In December my best friend sent me the following excerpt from a blog, not knowing I had pulled Colleen out...

Gillian Lynn – a choreographer who did Cats, and Phantom. They had lunch and he asked “how’d you get to be a dancer?” She said when I was in school, in the 30′s I was really hopeless, and the school wrote to her parents and said she has a learning disorder. Probably now they’d say she had ADHD. But this was the 30′s, and it hadn’t been invented, it wasn’t an available condition. People weren’t aware they could have that.  

So she went to see this specialist, in this oak paneled room, and she sat on her hands while this woman talked to her mother about all the problems Gillian was having at school. And at the end of it, (she was 8), the doctor went and sat next to her, and said “I’ve listened to all the things that your mother has told me, and I need to speak with her privately, we’ll be right back.”  

As he went out the room, he turned on the radio that was sitting on his desk. and when they got out of the room, he said, “just watch her”. Soon as they left, she was on her feet, moving to the music. He said to her mother “Mrs, Lynn, Gillian isn’t sick, she’s a dancer. take her to a dance school”.   

She did. 

“I went to this room, and it was full of people like me. People who couldn’t sit still, people who had to move, to think. They did ballet, tap, jazz, everything.”  

Then she got a wonderful career at the royal ballet, graduated, founded her own company, met Andrew Lloyd Weber, and has been responsible for some of the most amazing ballets in history...   

Someone else might have put her on medication, and told her to calm down...

After I read this I felt horrible for pulling her out because this was Colleen - the young girl that has a hard time sitting still, who loved to dance around the room, who I know is very smart and gets bored easily and could easily be classified as ADHD but I will not be medicating her even if she was; yet here I took her out of something that she could redirect some of that energy to. 

A few days later I received a call from the owner of the dance studio, asking why we pulled Colleen out.  After I explained the situation she offered to switch her to a class on Saturday.  It was at a perfect time for me; I could drop her off, work for an hour, pick her back up and continue on with my day. 

Recently I began doubting if I would sign her up for next year; she will be old enough for gymnastics and from what I have seen, she wasn't very enthusiastic about dance.  Well, that was before her dance recital yesterday.  She was so excited about dancing on the BIG stage, she was absolutely ADORABLE in her costume AND she DANCED!  She had learned how to dance despite what I had thought.  After the recital she was even teaching me and Mom how to tap to the "Hot Dog" song.  I have no idea at this point if she will ever be a great dancer, but as long as she has fun it doesn't matter.  I won't push her to continue if she don't want to but as far as next year, I will sign her up again.   She is a dancer...

Time to breathe

Time to breathe…

For the last four months my life has consisted of sleep, work and school, papers and deadlines, tests and tax returns and most of all there was no time to breathe. 

This year I worked at least 116 hours of overtime in 2.5 months on top of being away from home for an additional 8 hours a week going to school – yeah, breathing time was not high on the priority list.  My husband was a real champion during this time, not complaining about taking care of Colleen or never seeing me.  He may have been a little fussy one night when I had to call him to rescue me at 11pm from the side of the road because I may have had a fight with a curb and it won, putting a nice hole in the side of my tire – but all in all my time away was pretty uneventful. 

I took my last exam last night, turned in my last paper last week, and now there is nothing to do but wait for grades; not that I really care what grade I make, just as long as I pass.  School is officially out of my mind for the next month and a half.  For the next 49 days I will get to go to work at 9, leave at 5 and actually have time to spend with my family and with myself. 

So my new dilemma – what to do with all this time I will have.  I don’t want to waste the time with mindless TV watching or internet searching.  I want to do something meaningful with my time, something that I will look back on and think it was fun.  I desperately want to be fun…it’s just my non-fun self holding me back.  So I did my traditional “Tanya” thing and made a list…

A few things I really want to do with my time:

1.       DEEP clean and organize my house – I would like to be able to have visitors, however, not being home for the past four months has really done a number on my house work.  Colleen keeps growing and outgrowing toys/clothes as well as her ability to persuade you into buying her more stuff at the store “OHHHH!  Mommy I LOVE THIS!  Can I have it PLEASE?”  Yep – enter guilty absent mommy here and soon you have overabundance of STUFF.

2.       Healthy living – I've been surviving off fast food and junk these past few months, no time to really cook good healthy food or even go to the grocery store so my weight has increased a few pounds – not that I didn't need to gain a few pounds, but my clothes are starting to get tight and after I splurged and bought good clothes I really do not want to have to go up a size. I want to actually plan my meals, exercise, and play outside (which means I will have to brave the bugs) with Colleen and get some color on my pale self.

 

3.       Spend time with Colleen – it was heartbreaking some mornings when I’d leave for work and Colleen would look up at me and say “Mommy, I don’t want you to go to work – can you stay at home with me?”  My sweet baby girl…

4.       Sew/Paint – I know I've been saying I wanted to learn how to sew for years; I have everything I need to do it, except the time.  Now I will have the time to devote to practicing; the same for painting – I really enjoyed going to my painting classes, and while I’m not very good at it, I think I am better than when I first started, therefore I can paint some pictures to replace some of the not so great ones hanging on my office wall – the ones that people keep asking if my child painted…yep – awkward.

5.       Build real relationships – I've always wanted to be the person who took cookies to the neighbors, who people stopped to say “Hello” to, but I’m not that person – YET.  I’m still “Mark’s wife” to the neighbors who even know who I am.  I want to be the dependable neighbor – the one people go to when they need something, emergency baby sitter, a cup of sugar, etc.  I want to have adult conversations with real people and not just post a status on Facebook to have people, who I never talk to, give me their comments on.  I want to have barbecues in my back yard (which means I need to clean up my back yard too – see “What I want to accomplish number 1” and add “Clean back yard”). 

6.       Grow spiritually – I need to discipline myself to reading and studying the Bible, I need to quit relying on my own ability to control things (since we all know how much I like to be in control).  I tend to want instant results in this area – I want to know everything quickly – do everything right instantly – so I guess the first thing I need to work on is my patience.  One step at a time.  I have been able to memorize one Bible verse – mainly because I've written it so many times trying to get it to look nice on my dry erase board…”Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” Philippians 4:6

Most of all I want to live a meaningful life and not just live life.  I want to be intentional with the things I do.  I want to be different, the good different, the different that people can look at and say “I can take charge of my life too” – I want to quit letting the world dictate to me how I am suppose to be, what I am suppose to do.  I want to be the person to make a difference to those around me and I will accomplish this during my new free time, the time I will use to breathe and live life to the fullest.    

Just Married

I’m sure if you live in the Savannah area you have probably seen several cars with the “Just Married?” written on the back windshield and wondered what was going on.  I’m sure several people noticed the website and meant to look it up when they got home but then forgot what it was by the time they got around to it.  Well, I’ll help you out on the big mystery.   Savannah Christian Church had the pretty ingenious idea of writing “Just Married?” on the back of every car that would let them in order to get the questions going and invite you to their marriage series.  The basic message is as follows (in my words…)

Just Married – GREAT!  A couple made the commitment to each other to stay together for a lifetime.  It’s a long hard road, one which you have to work at otherwise you will find yourself “just married”.  The life will slowly begin to leave your marriage and you will soon find yourself in the relationship for the mere fact that you are married.  So many marriages get to this point and it spirals out of control from there - soon they are knocking at Divorce’s door.  This is the rut that my church, Savannah Christian, is trying to keep marriages out of or rescue them from. 

I’m sure everyone KNOWS you have to work at a marriage for it to work but knowing and doing are two different things.  A few months back I had an epiphany regarding my marriage and how I treated my husband (Changing my ways and putting my husband first).  I figured that I couldn’t change him so I had to change myself (the same thing the first message of this “Just Married” series stressed).  For about two weeks my marriage was great – my husband was being thoughtful, I was being cool headed, things were good – but then slowly it began to revert back to how it was.  I quit holding back and began bickering again, the peace was gone.  My marriage is not bad, but it is also not GREAT and it could be better, just as all marriages could be. 

When I heard the first message of the series and the philosophy that you have to change yourself came about, my first reaction was “AMEN – see Honey, you need to change.”  It was at that point I knew I was in for a rude awakening.  If I changed then slowly he will as well – just as he did when I made a decision to change a few months back. 

As Cam said “Healthy breads Healthy.”  Makes sense right?  Don’t you smile when a bubbly person walks into the room just as your spirits drop when a person who is consistently negative is in the same area?  Look at your Facebook friends – there are people you want to read their posts and some you wish you could unfriend but know you would hurt their feelings if you did.  Wouldn’t that same principle apply to your marriage?  My dad once said watch a dog and see how excited they get when their owner gets home and do the same thing to your spouse.  As much as I hate admitting my dad is right – he was right.  If the first reaction to your spouse coming home is excitement – like you have been waiting for them to come home ALL day, it would be easier to have a great night then if you greeted them with complaints. 

If your marriage is lacking (or just could use a little freshness) I would encourage you to attend this series (or watch it online if you don’t actually want to go to church). 

p.s. I borrowed the car picture - it looked a lot better then my car.

How (and why) I lost 25 pounds...

Last summer my husband broke his wrist in a training class – apparently the police dog liked his wrist a little too much.  Being a guy he figured he could wrap his wrist and it would heal.  About a month later the wrist started to swell again so he finally went to the doctor.  Sure enough it was broken and apparently he would have healed it himself had he had a larger brace on it (which he ended up getting rather than casting it) but while he was there the Dr called him out on his weight.  I had been telling him for MONTHS that he needed to lose some weight but his excuse was always “I don’t have the time to go work out as much as I would need to.”  He never listened to me that if he watched what he ate he would get great results but when the Doctor said that he needed to watch what he ate (since he was older and working out would not help much) he finally listened. 

At this point I felt a little bad that he was going to have to go on a diet and here I was still eating McDonalds and whatever else I wanted with no consequence (granted I was still nursing so I could afford some extra calories).  I made a deal with Mark that I would change my eating habits with him so he wouldn’t have to do it alone.  All fast food was a no-no, soda was gone, Mark gave up his sweet tea (which he substituted with splenda water – gross!), fish and chicken was readily stocked in the house as well as lots of veggies. 

We never did get a good “starting weight” on him cause he refused to step on the scale but I have a pretty good idea.  I still had a few pounds to lose from my pregnancy so my starting weight was 152 (pre-pregnancy was 148).  I set myself a goal weight of 140 and no less than 135 cause I never dreamed I would ever lose more than that and didn’t want to set myself up for failure. 

Weight started falling off of me quicker then Mark, which I credited to the nursing, but he lost 15 pounds in the first month.  When I hit 140 within the first month I was shocked, then I hit 135, then 130 and I was getting a little worried that I was losing too much weight.  At that point every morning I weighted light I ate McDonalds for lunch to counteract it.  Right now (7 months after the “change” started) I am weighing in consistently at 127 (although I at one point hit 124 and ate horrible to gain that weight back).  Mark ended up losing at least 30 pounds (since we don’t have a starting number we can only go off what his first weigh in was). 

My sister told me when I started to lose weight to keep in mind that I will look good no matter what, that when I get thinner I will still think I need to lose more so be careful.  For once my sister was right.  As the weight dropped my weight limit dropped lower and lower.  I began striving for a lower number each day.  Eventually I realized what was going on and reminded myself that I couldn’t lose more weight without being too thin.  Still today I look down and find “pudginess” especially around my waist and think I can lose a few more pounds to get rid of that but I know that I will actually have to exercise that off (something that I really don’t want to have to do). 

I’m not trying to brag or say “look at me”, rather show that changing your behavior really does work, anything is possible.  I figured I would really have to work to lose 5 or 10 pounds and ended up losing 25 in 4 months.  This is also coming from someone who knows nothing about weight loss or any training what so ever but I am very good at self control (except when it comes to what comes out of my mouth – but that is for a different day). 

AFTER

BEFORE

(disregard the horrible hair and sunglasses - this was the only picture I could find)

Bullies

Is it natural to pick on others or is it something that is taught? I wish I knew what goes through a bully’s head just as I know what it is like for the bullied. I know what it is like to walk with my eyes on the floor, hoping nobody would notice me so they wouldn’t have any reason to tease me that day. I know what it is like to think that nobody likes me – I know how small and unimportant one feels when this is happening. I am thankful that I know how this feels because it has opened my eyes to think outside of what is in front of me. I’m thankful that I can use my experiences to look deeper into a situation and not rush to judgment – but how do you use that to help others?

Are bullies just spoiled kids craving attention? Do their parents go through the motions of providing a roof but no guidance? I wish I knew – I wish I knew so I could help them. Are these kids written off as incapable of being helped – a worthless cause? I surely hope not – I hope that someone will step up and show them the right way to treat others. I wish people would get the idea that “kids will be kids” out of their heads and wake up – you can’t just write everything off as kids being kids – you have to teach them right from wrong – you have to teach by example – you have to take responsibility for their actions and do something about it.

I don’t know a single rational parent who doesn’t want their children to succeed so I don’t understand how there are so many bullies today. Is it that nobody has told them that their little angel that they tuck in every night and give butterfly kisses to is lying to them or are they the parents that do not utter a single nice word to their child and don’t take the time to see the preciousness in them? I don’t understand how a parent can allow their children to bring harm to others just as I don’t understand how adults can do the same thing to their peers.

Parents – you need to look at what you are teaching your kids. Are you teaching them to be kind to others or hate others? Are you teaching them how to handle situations gracefully or ruthlessly? Sure – we are not perfect – we are not always going to do things the right way – but which way is the norm and are you happy with that? If not – it’s time to change and break the cycle.

Who I want to be…

I’ve been thinking A LOT about who I am and who I WANT to be. I don’t consider myself a bad person by any means and I don’t think I am a horrible mom, wife, or friend but there is definitely room for improvement. At times I am selfish, bitter, hateful, and inconsiderate and at those times I hate who I am. I don’t want to be that kind of person.

I want to be a mother that my kids will be happy to have…

Patient
Kind
Fun
Honest
Loving
Responsible
Attentive
Easy going
Selfless

I feel like I fall short of these qualities at times – I get tired or stressed and I take it out on my kids. I want my kids to respect me, listen to me, come to me when there is a problem but how do I promote this if I lose my temper or don’t have the time to spend with them? I want to raise my kids to be well rounded, respectable adults. I want them to be kind and accepting of others but I have to change myself to model how they are to grow up. I have to watch my temper, I have to watch my words, I have to watch my actions otherwise it does not matter what I preach because they will follow in my footsteps.

I want to be a wife that my husband can be proud of…

Respectful
Trustworthy
Outgoing
Pleasant
Passionate
Sexy

I don’t want to be the nagging wife that my husband will never want to be around. I don’t want to be hateful, I don’t want to be angry, I don’t want to bring him down…I want to be a woman he can’t wait to come home and see, that he will never get tired of, that he will never leave.

I want to be a person that anyone would be honored to call a friend…

Dependable
Caring
Interesting
Supportive
Accepting
Giving
Positive

I want to be a friend who one can confide anything to, who can be trusted, and who is there when I’m needed and even when I’m not. I want to be the kind of person who brings you soup when you are sick, who won’t think twice about helping out. I want to be the kind of person who is good at giving advice and lifting up your spirit when things are going wrong. I want to be the best I can possibly be...

Please help me become a better person. If I’m falling short, pick me back up and set me on the right path and call me out on it. Becoming the best person I can possibly be takes work and I’m going to give it all I have but sometimes I might not be strong enough to realize what I am doing wrong.

Week 19 - Pants and Classes

Wow – week 19 already! This week Baby Rich is about the size of the large tomato I ate Friday in the Wal-Mart parking lot – although it did nothing for the starving feeling I had – it did at least get at least one serving of veggies in my diet for that day. This week is the week I should be really feeling the baby move around but I am lucky enough to have already felt the baby move for about two weeks now.

This past week has been a very informative week. I had my first pregnancy class at the birth center, which its overall lesson was on health and nutrition. The main things I need to focus on is eating healthy, have a positive attitude, exercise, and relax…I figured I was working on these already, however I am not as on target as I thought I was. I know I was not the best eater in the world, but when I was looking at the serving sizes of the different food groups I was shocked to find out how much of a not healthy eater I was. I am a rules follower and since I had a guideline to go by for my eating habits I figured I would use it and get all my servings in each day…better said than done…I began panicking cause I could not eat enough to get everything in and had to hide the sheet before I stressed myself out too much since after all, I’m suppose to be reducing stress too…

Along with a guideline for nutrition I received a guideline of lifestyle choices, which pregnant or not is very insightful. I think if I can even do half of what is on the list I will be less stressed than I normally am.
1. Start each day with a positive thought
2. Do something you enjoy each day
3. Learn to focus and center
4. Set realistic goals
5. Work on good relationships
6. Establish routines
7. Simplify your life
8. Get enough sleep
9. Pray
10. Look for humor in situations
11. Have contact with nature
12. Listen to relaxing music
13. Watch less TV
14. Box your worries
15. Take one-minute vacations
16. Do “mini-checkups”
17. Choose to be happy

So eating and thinking right isn’t all I have to do – I’m suppose to actually exercise – yuck – but if it helps my baby I guess I’ll exercise more regularly. A big part of this is maintaining good posture – something I’ve never been able to do – so a recommendation was to get in to see a chiropractor of which I already have a call in to do.

After the class we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat which was in the 150s again – That’s my girl! Two weeks until we find out for sure – I cant wait! Until then I’m going to enjoy getting bigger in my new pants that my honey bought me for my anniversary. I love practical gifts! Especially when I cant wear all the other pants cause they hurt me – these ones are the good kind that go over your entire belly! These should really drive in the fact that I’m pregnant just a little bit more.