Words

Words...

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"...I grew up saying that over and over again.  As a child you are told to ignore mean and hateful words and as an adult you realize that words are what hurts the most.

For the last few weeks the church I attend has been doing a series entitled "Love Handles" which has prompted many deep thoughts (as I'm sure was the intention of the series) but even if you're not a "Bible Person", as Andy Stanley would say, the series would benefit everyone.   This past Sunday's message discussed relationship challenges - more specifically how we speak to others.  This sermon came at the perfect timing for my life considering my 8th wedding anniversary is right around the corner and my thoughts were already centered around my relationship with my husband and how to make it better.  There was one verse that was discussed that really hit me hard.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Ephesians 4:29

My immediate thought on this was in regards to political discussions/rants/etc.  This is likely due to the recent articles that have flooded my Facebook news feed during the past few days regarding Kathy Griffin's photo stunt, Trumps stance on supporting some global warming thing, and even local court cases that have been settled.  I tend to stay out of politics because I know I do not have the time to devote to actually reading and researching the actual topics and with so much fake news out there I don't know what to believe.  So instead what I see is my friends and family sharing news stories with their take on the topic at large along with slanderous comments towards the person in which the article was about or the other political party.  If the post itself wasn't bad enough then you have the numerous comments under the post.  I understand people have different political views but there is a way to express those and not tear down the person who opposes your views.  Even when one is not calling out one particular person with their comments but rather lumps a whole group of people in their rant - it still hurts others.  I may not be the most politically correct person in the world and I know for a fact that sometimes (more often than I want to really admit) the words that I say are not conducive to bringing others up but at the same time I honestly believe that I don't intentionally go out intending on hurting others either.  That's not to say I've not done so in the past...that can be seen by my Timehop app that shows me my Facebook posts from the beginning of time and I'll be honest and admit that I am ashamed of some of the things I have said and done on social media. This is how I know I have matured as a person - feeing shame for the things I have said or done - otherwise I still would be doing those things.  As some read this I can guarantee there are some posts immediately coming to mind that you wish you took a different approach to your post/comments as well.

My second thought to this Bible passage was how I talk to my family; especially my daughter.  I'm a yeller...I never wanted to be but somehow it happened. I will ask her to do something once, maybe twice and then the yelling begins.  I hate this about myself.  Colleen will even remind me of this every time she yells at me not to yell at her - but at that moment when it is thrown back in my face I'm already at my boiling point that I pass off the blame to a six year old - "well if you would listen the first time I wouldn't have to yell!"  And then proceed to chastise her for yelling at me even though she just learned it was ok to yell by my own actions.  What warped logic is that?  Nobody makes me do anything - I am in control of my actions and me alone, just as everyone else is responsible for their own actions. It's not only my daughter I do this to - my husband also gets the brunt end of my temper and somehow I rationalize that by raising my voice that he will finally hear what I am saying but logically I know that is the exact moment he shuts me out completely.  I can probably count on one hand the number of times my husband has lost his cool with me and resorted to yelling during our 9 year relationship but I don't think there are enough fingers and toes in my house that can track the amount of times I've lost my cool in the past year alone.  Again, I am ashamed of my actions.

It is so much easier to find the faults of others than it is to find your own, myself included.  This post originally started off as something completely different than it ended up being.  Sometimes I have to write things down in order to see truths about myself and I hope in sharing my truths it will help others find theirs as well.  Unfortunately/fortunately we cannot change the past but we can realize our present and adjust to make a better future. Will I ever say something that will bring someone down or yell again in frustration and anger?   Absolutely - but I hope that in shining light on things I need to change that I will become more aware of them and prevent them from reoccurring in the future.

My issues with the health care system...

I’ve had an “AH HA!” moment this weekend while at Sister’s house. It was decided that I had to watch a documentary about how horrible the health care in America really is (which I knew it was bad already) and how other countries are able to provide healthcare to all of its citizens equally across the board and it got me on my soap box in regards to my health care.

Currently Colleen and I are the only ones in the house with health insurance and the only reason I am covered along with her is because 5 months before she was born the rules changed and I could no longer get a child only policy, they now have to be on a policy with an adult. So I had to work the figures to see who we could afford to cover with her – because of Mark’s age it was going to cost over $150 more to insure him and Colleen than it would cost to cover me and her, we couldn’t afford to cover everyone. We don’t live an extravagant lifestyle in the least bit, we don’t go out and spend money on things we don’t need either. The only reason I could afford to get the insurance is ONLY because my car was paid off around the same time Colleen was born and I still had to get a policy with $3500 deductible to get the premiums to an amount we could afford. In the first 2 months of Colleen’s birth we already racked up over $6000 in hospital bills because of 2 hospital stays, once for jaundice and the second for what turned out to be a stomach bug – but at 2 months old you can’t not take a child to the doctor when she is having bloody stools and a high fever.

With my policy I only get 3 sick visits a year before I have to pay my deductible in order for them to pay another dime for my care. Last year I ended up developing a staph infection and within one week I used up all of my visits due to follow up appointments so when a few months later when I developed clogged earwax duct, which later turned into a really bad ear infection, I racked up almost another $1000 of health care costs on top of the premiums I already pay. The insurance company paid out less than $900 for my doctor visits last year and I paid over $1500 in doctor bills and co pays (for just me) and that is NOT including the $1900 I paid in premiums for the year. The only good my insurance is for is so that IF something major happens to me I will only have to pay $3500 of the X(thousand) of doctor/hospital bills.

If I end up pregnant the insurance will cover NOTHING for it because I can’t afford to add maternity benefits. We had no insurance when I had Colleen and luckily I had money in an IRA to take out to pay for the birth center where I delivered her. Had I delivered her in a hospital I would have had to pay AT LEAST $10000 but at the Birth Center I only had to pay around $4000. If I had maternity benefits it would cost an extra $250 a month in premiums AND I would have to pay those premiums for a year before they would pay anything for the pregnancy. So in essence I would have to pay $250 for at the bottom end 20 months (the year before and during the pregnancy) which comes to an extra $5000 for a birth that would cost only $4000 if I delivered at the Birth Center again…the insurance company just made $1000 for me to have a baby – how is that right??? Why not build more birth centers and all insurance policies include pregnancy? Who says that you HAVE TO deliver in a hospital? Women have delivered babies at home and with midwifes since the beginning of time – delivering at a hospital is a new development and all it does is drive up health care costs.

How much of the health care costs are going to Doctor’s malpractice insurance because everyone has gone sue happy? How much is going into the insurance companies pockets? Why is it fair that people like me have to choose who in the family gets to have health insurance and who doesn’t? People who make a lot of money can afford to have the top of the line insurance and there are programs for the senior citizens and children of low income families to be covered but what about everyone else? Why is government run health care viewed as horrible? I would rather everyone have medical coverage than only the people who can afford it. People say that the health care would be awful if the government ran it, that people would have to wait to be treated, but what about those who don’t get treated now – how is this better for them? The government even pays for prisons have top notch medical treatment for its inmates but my husband has nothing because we make too much money for any aid and not enough money to cover it ourselves.

Why it is ok for insurance companies to make astronomical profits and the people they insure are denied benefits for any number of reasons is beyond me. Why is it ok for insurance companies to choose who they cover and who they don’t? It’s only ok because politicians are bought out by these companies and nobody can seem to put a stop to it. This is exactly why I hate politicians; they look out only for themselves and who can give them money and don’t give a damn for the people who just try to make a living but end up going bankrupt and lose everything because they got sick.

I’m not one to believe something just because someone told me it was true, which includes this documentary but I know the health care in this country is crap because I live it every day. Not only are my premiums high for the coverage I receive but I’ve had the insurance company deny me coverage the first time I applied because I was expecting a child (not to be confused with being pregnant) and had them deny claims due to my glaucoma being a pre-existing condition. It is apparently impossible to get child covered from day one of birth if a policy is not already in place on the parent which I believe is so insurance companies can deny a baby coverage if they are born with a medical condition that will continue throughout their life –I can be wrong, but I doubt it. Something has got to change and it needs to be more than allowing kids to stay on their parent’s insurance plans until they are 26 – there are still MILLIONS of people who are uninsured and in the same boat I’m in.