Finding room to BREATHE

Ever wonder where time goes?  With work, school, family and a young daughter, I wonder this all the time.  I recently listened to a podcast by Andy Stanley entitled "Breathing room" and realized a few things...one being that I have NO room to breathe and it is no wonder why I am a giant stress ball. 

I recently wrote out my daily schedule, allocating all of my time to something so I know where I am spending it (kinda like a time budget) and realized that if I wanted any time with my family that I needed to cut a few things out.  I already had basically cut out TV from my day, I might watch something on the weekends but pretty much I don't watch it, there is just not enough time to waste watching TV. 

For me to spend even an hour of the day with my family I have to cut out even more.  So I am going to give up Facebook and Pinterest as well.  I'm not saying I will never get on them again, but I have more important things to do other the stalk other people on a social networking site.  I want to be able to enjoy life; be the fun mommy and not stress all the time.  I know this is a season of my life that will be extremely hard not to be a stress ball, most mothers of young children are stressed, but I also know that my stress levels are eventually going to tear my family apart if I don't watch it carefully. 

It is kind of comical looking and thinking about the number of lists and schedules I have for myself, but I do not have enough self control to "wing it" and I don't have the luxury to let things flow on their own.  I am the schedule keeper, the finance manager, bill payer, house keeper, meal planner, shopper, and I am sure there are more rolls I play but I don't have a list for those so I forget what else I do. 

Last month when I had my pregnancy scare, I thought long and hard about the choices I had in front of me...have more kids or stay with one?  Well, I made my decision and had an IUD implanted today so I am covered for 10 years.  While I know having more kids would be nice, I also know that I hold myself to such a high standard, I think adding more kids would stress me out even more.  Colleen has a big brother, so she has the benefits of having a sibling and be an only child at the same time.  She also has two cousins her age that she will grow up with so I don't think she will be missing out on anything.  Now that this decision has been made, there is one less thing to worry about. 

Time is not the only thing I need some breathing room in...the same is true for my finances.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I do not live an extravagant lifestyle, I don't drive a new car, or have expensive tastes, I don't care about brand names and can generally get in and out of a grocery store with enough food to last a month and have never gone over $250, but we still live paycheck to paycheck.  Being the money manager of the house, living on tight finances is a very stressful job.  My husband and I have two very different views on money.  I WILL get out of debt and live debt free, but he thinks there is no way it will happen so it makes getting out of debt an even harder battle.  I just have to be ok with knowing I will get us there on my own regardless of how frustrating it is.  So here begins my no spending month - i will do my best to not spend any unnecessary money in order to achieve my goals.

I also know I am very controlled, and therefore rarely have fun, so this is another area that needs addressing.  Since I can't spend money and I want to spend as much time with my family as I can, it looks like I will have to get over my irritation with the outdoors and find fun things to do outside.  I would love to make the backyard beautiful again and  have picnics and play garden tic tac toe like the one I found on Pinterest.  I really am tired of having the greenest yard in the neighborhood during the winter months so maybe I can read up on how to fix that problem.  I'm sure Colleen would LOVE to help mommy pull grass and weeds out of the flower beds.  There is so much to do, I just have to let myself do them. 

I need to have some "me" time as well...one thing I really enjoy is writing.  While I may not be the greatest writer, I'm not the worst either.  I do miss my carefree blogs though and want to try to get back to those days.  Rather then write about all the things I want to do, or want to fix, I want to write about Mommy life and the crazy things Colleen does like how she now has to put her babies to bed and rub their backs before she can leave the room, or how she pushes my kitchen chairs to the sink so she can "wash the dishes."  Those are the things I am going to miss in 5, 10, 15 years...not how I messed up one of my schedules and how I have to fix it for the next day.  I am going to have to add this to my schedule in order to block out the time to do it.