Actions Speak Louder Than Words…a phrase we have all said or heard before but we still don’t live by it. I’ve had this discussion with my husband many times because he is a “words” guy and I am an “actions” girl. I need proof to believe something to be true. Little background here…my ex-husband was a compulsive liar and I could never trust what he said to be true so when Mark and I got together I made it known that he was always going to be completely honest with me and let me know everything upfront or I wasn’t even going to give him the time of day. He quickly gave in and allowed me to snoop through everything that way everything was out in the open and would make the future so much easier without having surprises regarding the past. Because I know his past I also know what could potentially happen in the future since history tends to repeat itself and now that my life is interwoven with his I don’t think it is unreasonable to protect our relationship from potential harm.
I tend to be very self conscious and remember one day during one discussion about actions vs. words I discovered how different my husband and I think. He said that I should KNOW that he loves me because he comes home every day. I can think of several reasons as to how this does not prove one’s love.
1. It’s easier to come home then not
2. Come home for the kids
3. Don’t have the means NOT to come home
4. Responsibility
5. You’re tolerant
I can keep going but I think I made my point. While I do KNOW my husband loves me it is nice to be shown every once in a while. Saying “I love you” can easily become habit and not really mean the same thing that it once did. I’m a firm believer that you have to keep your relationship a priority or before you know it you become “Tolerant” of each other and that is now way to live your life. I like to feel loved and how I feel love is through actions…not words. While this is true I also feel loved by the actions of putting down words (cards/poems/little notes etc).
As any woman may know, after you have a baby your body is different and sometimes we need some reassurance that we are still thought to be attractive or that we still hold our husband’s attention. I’ve expressed this concern to my husband countless times and every time I get words…no actions. He will say things like “but honey, you ARE beautiful” and “I do want you” but there are never any actions to speak for it. Perhaps this is the difference between men and women cause I can think of many ways of SHOWING your spouse that you are still wanted but I am still in my 20’s and possibly that is the difference.
Feeling like I come first is another thing that I struggle with a lot especially with everything that already goes on in life. Saying that I come first is again, just words. I’ve been having a hard time with this one. So many changes happen when a baby comes into the picture, nothing is ever about you anymore. I am constantly doing things for others to make sure they know they are important and that I love and respect them but I don’t get the same in return. When a child comes into the picture it is very hard to find time for yourself, let alone find time to spend developing your relationship with your spouse so you have to MAKE time. As my husband has said time and time again – “Life happens” and because that is true is more reason why you have to actually set time aside for what you need to do. What is more important – checking email or spending time with your spouse? Taking that “chatty” phone call or having a nice dinner with your family? I think so many times worldly possessions and entertainment take away from your family. I’ve been begging to get rid of the cable – for one it saves money, it keeps from letting the kids watch too much, and it allows more time to find things to do with your family. I remember as a kid I use to love when the power went out because we would play games as a family – now it’s been so long since we did any of it I don’t even remember how to play.
Perhaps there are some things I need to let go of to be happy with my life. Maybe I shouldn’t put so much importance on actions and let words be the actions. I know I have issues regarding “proof” of feelings and need to let go of some of that but I also believe that there is a sense of compromise that must be made for everyone to be secure in their relationships. I feel that there are some actions that have to do the talking for kid’s sake because you can say anything to them and if they don’t see it then what do they have to model after? How do you want your kids to conduct their marriages? Where do they learn about relationships? Look at your life through a child’s eyes and see if you still like it - if not then make your actions a little louder.
