Week 20 - Bananas and Daddys

Week 20 – my baby’s legs finally get to be counted in the length so now it’s the length of a BANANA! I love bananas – banana pudding, blueberry banana smoothies, banana bread, frozen bananas dipped in chocolate, banana split, banana chocolate milkshakes! OH I’m hungry again! My baby is also slippery like a banana peel too – the little booger is moving around like crazy in there – I try to feel it on one side and it just slips to the other side! Late last night it was kicking real good that it finally made my tummy jump. A couple kicks really poked out and it felt so funny – it tickled! I couldn’t help but giggle as it wiggled and kicked. Child Mark has been trying to feel it kick for a week now and he finally got to feel it tonight but it wasn’t that strong and he tried to explain what it felt like – it was cute.

This past week I got my first adjustment at the chiropractor – felt really good to be “snapped crackled and popped” as Mark likes to say – the chiropractor however does not explain it that way. Apparently my upper back is straight where it should have a curve to it, but I’m very easy to work on.

I’ve discovered that either my hips are spreading or my butt is just growing, so I sent Mark into town to the maternity store to get me a new pack of panties – such a good boy to go get me things like that. I told him too while he was there to get me a new bra the next size up since mine is not fitting as good as it should, however, the store suggested I come in to get measured instead of him just buying the size I say. While he was there he also took the liberty to buy me a pair of grey pants – he said I needed more than one pair of pants. It was a nice surprise.

Father’s day was this past Sunday and Mark was excited to get not just one, but three Bill O’Reilly books – one for each of his children…Mark, Puppy (ok so pretend kids count too), and Baby Rich. He really appreciated it – especially knowing how much I really despise buying political books to feed his already Right sided brain. I hate getting into politics – but as long as he doesn’t make me read them or read them to me I’ll smile and say “Glad you like it”. I really do have a great husband who just so happens to be a wonderful father who will do anything and everything for his kids, born, unborn, or the ones that simply call him Da Da cause they don’t know he’s not daddy.

One week left until my next ultrasound! Can’t wait! My little girl is just waiting to be announced officially LOL!

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I've come back and added in week 21 since I never posted it on here before.

Week 21 - Its A GIRL!!!

The much awaited ultrasound has arrived and my little girl was verified a little after 9 on the morning of June 29th. My grandmother (who had arrived from California to see Sister’s babies) was able to come to the appointment along with Sister, both boys, Mama, little Mark and my Honey. The morning started out hectic – me panicking because we woke up late, then the child had a hard time with his shoes, then we arrived before Mama and crew but it all worked out and we did not miss the appointment. When the tech called my name we moved back to the small room and boy was it packed. The ultrasound started and I saw my baby once again. I was so nervous to find out the sex because I really wanted my little girl…sure enough there was no little pecker between her legs! Had everyone not been there I probably would have cried but I kept very cool, surprising myself. According to baby center my little girl should be about the size of a carrot and it was pretty close. She weighed right at 13 ounces and is perfectly healthy. Everything is developing perfectly – I couldn’t ask for anything more (well I did – for it to be a girl…but now I’m done asking – she just needs to continue growing like she is and be born healthy).

After the appointment Me, Mark, Nana, and the kid drove into town to Babies-R-Us to register for all the adorable baby girl stuff. I tried not to go too crazy with the pink but I don’t know if I did such a good job with that. I tried to think of things I needed instead of so much of what I wanted. I did splurge picking out the crib and dresser – they are really expensive and even though I’m pretty sure nobody will buy something that expensive a girl can still dream.

Once we left Babies-R-Us we headed to the mall to hit up Target and do another registry there – by the end of that we were all pretty tired so we headed home.

We can also officially release the name of our daughter (which we’ve had picked out since before I even knew I was pregnant), Colleen Elizabeth (Named after both mine and Mark’s mother). I will try very hard to call her Colleen since there is no real easy way to shorten it without calling her Collie (like the dog) but if we did shorten it to Collie it would go right along with Puppy!

Week 19 - Pants and Classes

Wow – week 19 already! This week Baby Rich is about the size of the large tomato I ate Friday in the Wal-Mart parking lot – although it did nothing for the starving feeling I had – it did at least get at least one serving of veggies in my diet for that day. This week is the week I should be really feeling the baby move around but I am lucky enough to have already felt the baby move for about two weeks now.

This past week has been a very informative week. I had my first pregnancy class at the birth center, which its overall lesson was on health and nutrition. The main things I need to focus on is eating healthy, have a positive attitude, exercise, and relax…I figured I was working on these already, however I am not as on target as I thought I was. I know I was not the best eater in the world, but when I was looking at the serving sizes of the different food groups I was shocked to find out how much of a not healthy eater I was. I am a rules follower and since I had a guideline to go by for my eating habits I figured I would use it and get all my servings in each day…better said than done…I began panicking cause I could not eat enough to get everything in and had to hide the sheet before I stressed myself out too much since after all, I’m suppose to be reducing stress too…

Along with a guideline for nutrition I received a guideline of lifestyle choices, which pregnant or not is very insightful. I think if I can even do half of what is on the list I will be less stressed than I normally am.
1. Start each day with a positive thought
2. Do something you enjoy each day
3. Learn to focus and center
4. Set realistic goals
5. Work on good relationships
6. Establish routines
7. Simplify your life
8. Get enough sleep
9. Pray
10. Look for humor in situations
11. Have contact with nature
12. Listen to relaxing music
13. Watch less TV
14. Box your worries
15. Take one-minute vacations
16. Do “mini-checkups”
17. Choose to be happy

So eating and thinking right isn’t all I have to do – I’m suppose to actually exercise – yuck – but if it helps my baby I guess I’ll exercise more regularly. A big part of this is maintaining good posture – something I’ve never been able to do – so a recommendation was to get in to see a chiropractor of which I already have a call in to do.

After the class we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat which was in the 150s again – That’s my girl! Two weeks until we find out for sure – I cant wait! Until then I’m going to enjoy getting bigger in my new pants that my honey bought me for my anniversary. I love practical gifts! Especially when I cant wear all the other pants cause they hurt me – these ones are the good kind that go over your entire belly! These should really drive in the fact that I’m pregnant just a little bit more.

Week 18 - tomatoes and deer

Week 18 – only three more weeks to confirm the sex of Baby Rich! My baby bump is A LOT more noticeable now, especially if I wear form fitting shirts, this could be because my baby is now the size of a bell pepper…that’s a big change from a blueberry in my book. My baby is moving a lot more now which I can feel more and more each day.

According to Baby Center I should be laying on my side when I sleep, or at least not fully on my back, which kinda sucks cause sometimes it feels really good when I lay on my back. I’ve seemed to have regressed back into being sleepy all the time. I thought the second trimester was suppose to be the best one…again I blame Hollywood for making pregnancy seem so much fun. They sure do leave out a lot of important information, like these ligament pains that sometimes send me to my knees, or the thirty thousand trips to the bathroom, or even better the uncomfortableness after you eat that makes me wish I would not have eaten anything to begin with. This could explain why I’m still the same weight as I was two weeks ago. I have been eating some snacks throughout the day, so hopefully this will help with the weight gain a little bit.

Apparently my husband has fallen a bit behind on protecting our garden. He let some deer come and eat almost our entire tomato harvest and didn’t get me deer jerky!!! I’m very upset with that one…I’ve been really wanting some deer jerky and even though its not deer season, technically killing the deer should qualify as protecting our property so we shouldn’t get in trouble if we did kill one RIGHT??? We did manage to pick about 4 tomatoes that the pesky deer (who should be in my dehydrator right now) didn’t eat, now to wait on the other veggies to grow. Until then, I still have a nice stash of fresh veggies that the neighbor brought over to tie me over.

I have my first class at the birth center on Thursday, it’s suppose to teach me about nutrition, which apparently I need some lessons on. I will also get to hear my baby’s heartbeat again and find out what I did to myself to make my side hurt. Kinda feels like something has beat the crap out of my ovary on the right side…maybe something is sitting on it…I don’t know. Should have more to report next week…stay in tune for Week 19!

Week 17 - Cars and Cousins

Ok, so we are back to things that I’m not sure what they are – week 17 = figs; not something that I would ever pick out of a line up of fruits and veggies. This week my baby is working on making hard bones instead of cartilage and she’s developing sweat glands too…all of which is fun but I’m more excited about feeling her move around a little in there. I was able to feel a little thump thump in there and a little swishing feeling – kind of like a rocking boat. Hopefully soon I will feel it more often and stronger.

I still haven’t gained much weight and I guess I will find out on the 10th if its ok not to have gained much weight. I was already under the “do not gain under this line” line and hadn’t gained any weight since my last appointment last week. I had about 3 days last week of which I couldn’t keep much down again but that has seemed to have passed again for now as has the headaches.

This past week has been an exciting one…

On Wednesday, May 26th Baby Rich became a cousin to my sister’s twin boys. Robert (baby A) was 7.2 pounds 20.5 inches; Randall “Randy” (baby B) was 6.8 pounds 17.5 inches both are doing great and were able to go home on Friday.

On Saturday morning I felt Baby Rich move around for the first time. At first I felt the swishing around then about 15 or so baby thumps – I was really excited. Mark got a kick out of it too even though he wouldn’t have been able to feel it.

Saturday afternoon a truck backed into my car at an intersection and was nice enough to leave a nice big hole in my front bumper from the trailer hitch. I swear my car is bad luck – hence the plan to get a new, bigger, car later this year…My car was not built for baby seats and other kids – there is just not that much room in the back seat. It is a safe car though and that is my primary concern when I get another one.

The one unpleasant surprise this past week, had to change my ultrasound appointment since the tech was not going to be there on the day I was scheduled to have it so I had to move it back a week. I tried to have it a week early but the midwife preferred waiting – which I guess is ok, they are more worried about potential problems than knowing if it’s a boy or a girl.

Week 16 - Headaches and Doctors

At 16 weeks my little lemon has ripened into an avocado, about 4.5 inches from head to butt. My sickness is almost fully gone however last week was plagued by headaches and according to the midwife at my appointment today it could have been caused by SEVERAL things; stress, increased blood flow, caffeine withdrawals, dips in my blood sugar from not eating often enough among other things. In other words I need to start eating every two hours, quit drinking coke as soon as possible and relax for a little each day. I wonder if eating a skittle or two every half hour will keep my sugar consistent…might be fun trying.

At my doctor’s appointment today I met one of the other midwifes at the office, she was nice and informative. I’m healthy, my test results were fine and my uterus is now about two fingers below my belly button – it was kind of uncomfortable trying to find it. Heard my baby’s heartbeat again today, was beating at 150 beats per minute. Mark heard it from the waiting room where he was keeping the kids entertained. Apparently I have to get the movie Jungle Book and let Mark watch it since he could not properly pronounce Mogli’s name when he read the book to the kids of which I got a good giggle out of.

I’m only up 3 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight and I’m really trying to eat good and more to get my weight up (that sounds so weird to say). One place I read said if you are not gaining enough weight then to drink a milkshake each day, good source of calcium and extra calories…I need to go to the store and get me some chocolate ice cream and bananas, make me my banana chocolate milkshakes!!! I’m excited! Another exciting thing…two of our neighbors have brought over fresh veggies and fruit. Baby Rich REALLY appreciated the healthy stuff – she did share with the rest of the family too!

Speaking of SHE’s or HE’s, we have the date for my ultrasound to find out the sex; June 22nd. I can’t wait! Last night I had another weird dream in which I went in for a regular check-up and the doctor held up my baby by the back of the neck and inspected the genitals. The doctor said it was going to be a girl and there was no way it would change to a boy. This is a change from the dreams I was having about my little girl changing into a boy minutes after it was born. Four more weeks and we will know for sure.

Week 15 - World of the apple

So here we are at week 15, the week of the apple. My baby can move all of its joints and can see light too although its eyes are still sealed shut. At this point I am far enough along to tell what the sex is however I won’t have another ultrasound until 20 weeks – so only 5 more weeks until my baby girl is confirmed.

This past week has been a lot better than the last few, I’m still able to eat and have put on 2 pounds past my pre-pregnancy weight (which it’s better for me to think that way instead of putting on 6 pounds in one week). I really did miss food. I still have a few water hang-ups like I cant drink out of certain containers or different brands of water but I’m getting over it. I still have a headache or two a week. Yesterday’s was bad enough that I had to go to bed a little past 9. Although I am allowed to take certain medications I still don’t want to unless I have to. I’ve been health this week (I think), we will find out on Monday at my next doctor’s appointment.

I have not been so good at my exercising, but I made up for it yesterday, walking up and down River Street for 5 hours. I still have my gym membership that I need to actually start using – even if it is only walking on the treadmill for half an hour.

Our last baseball game was Saturday, which I am sad and thankful for – sad cause it will be a whole year before we get to play again but thankful because it was getting HOT out there. I know why there are no summer sports – too damn hot! Thinking we’ll try soccer in the fall – I love soccer, just have to convince Mark it’s not a sissy sport – he’s more baseball/football guy cause that’s what he played as a kid. I wonder how he will do when our little girl goes to dance class…

Second Trimester and Lemons

I’ve been waiting for 13 weeks to get to this point…my second trimester!!! I’m so excited to finally be at this point – hopefully no more getting rid of my meals before I can digest it, the ability to drink water (never tasted so good) and actually able to EAT!!! I’ve been starving to death these past few weeks, losing a total of 5.5 pounds. I’ve managed to gain back 1.5 pounds of that so far and I’m sure by the morning I will have gained more back due to the dinner I was just able to eat including steak, potatoes, onions, cucumbers, tomatoes, corn on the cob, blackberries and asparagus – and I cleaned my plate. Along with my appetite returning so has my libido…

Ok at week 14 my baby can now squint and pee, probably both at the same time. My baby is now the size of a lemon and is kicking and punching more and more each day although they are still not noticeable by me yet. Apparently my baby can now suck its thumb too.

I enjoyed my first Mother’s Day on Sunday. Spent the morning relaxing then headed to Wal-Mart and bought my mommy a “Grandkids” frame for when all the grandbabies are born and can get a picture taken together. I got four cards, including the GIANT card Mark got me – he said he wanted to get a card he knew I could see LOL – I definitely saw it. We hung out at mama’s house for the rest of the evening and watched Avatar – really good movie.

Mama picked me up an infant baby carrier/car seat thingy so now all I need to get is a Grayco stroller (so the seat can snap right onto it), a crib, a dresser, and I think that will take care of the big items. Good thing is that most of the other infant stuff I’ll get from Sister since by the time my baby is born the twins will be out of the infant stage. In the mean time I can see my grocery bill increasing due to the food I’m sure I’ll be hording down.

Week 13 - Shrimp and Water

My little lime has grown to 3 inches long, which is apparently the size of a medium shrimp - I’m guessing that’s the size of the shrimps perfect for low country boil…low country boil - that sound REALLY good right now. People kept telling me once I hit the 13 week point I’d start to feel better - which seems to be relatively true. Starting on Friday I felt much better and didn’t get sick all weekend although I had another killer headache on Sunday.

Since I found out I was pregnant I’ve lost a total of 5 pounds, so you can imagine my excitement when I was able to eat this weekend. I was even more excited that I could drink water! Frankly, I’m getting tired of coke - it just doesn’t seem to do much for me except give me liquids that I can keep down. I’m really looking forward to putting those 5 pounds back on (when has a woman ever said that?)

Along with being able to eat this weekend I was almost productive. I managed to make room for the changing table I bought last week at a yard sale in my room. I had to move out the TV from my room that never got used in order to make room and the room actually looks bigger. Of course after I got things moved around my lower stomach felt like someone had punched me a few times too many so I had to quit and rest - leaving the bedroom in somewhat of a mess.

We had to run to Wal-Mart this weekend too to pick up a few things and get the boy some different shoes and while we were there I walked around the baby section and found the most adorable things. Mark wanted to go ahead and buy baby diapers and wipes to start stalking up for when it gets here but I didn’t want to jinx myself buying anything this early. I already took enough of a chance buying the changing table but for $15 I couldn’t pass it up. Maybe next week I’ll start buying diapers since I will officially be in my second trimester! Officially only 7 more weeks until I can find out what my baby is going to be even though my gut already knows - I’m just hoping I don’t have to admit that I was wrong, but if I am it will be ok - I’ll be happy with whatever is given to me. This baby will be the most loved child ever!

Week 12 - Limes and Choo-Choo Trains

Another week down, we are at week 12 now and we have made it back to a size I know…A lime! Lime’s may not be my favorite fruit but apparently they are really good in Corona’s – not that I would know due to the fact that I detest beer but nonetheless it works. My baby apparently will squirm when my stomach is prodded, which we found out first hand during today’s doctors appointment. While we were trying to find the little lime to hear its heartbeat, almost as soon as we found it the little stinker would move, causing a very loud swooshing sound. We did get to hear the heartbeat – sounded just like a little choo-choo train.

Today’s doctor’s appointment included my physical – which all the women know exactly what goes on with one of those – some points are not very fun at all. Since last week’s appointment I’ve lost 2 pounds. Normally I’d be happy, especially since this is the lightest I’ve been in the last 5 years but these past few weeks have not been so fun. I’d much rather have gained the weight. I feel horrible, not just cause I’m sick all the time, but I feel guilty that I cant drink water, which I know my baby needs, and I cant eat anything healthy (or even unhealthy) – I was wrong that all babies love McDonald’s French fries…mine just doesn’t care.

Mark was able to attend my appointment with me – he was a very good record keeper. I have a binder which has all my information that I need to know at this point, including a record page so I can keep up with my weight, blood pressure, baby’s heartbeat (today it was around 140) along with other things and Mark was steadily filling in the blanks making sure he got it all recorded. He even was tasked with his own homework, although it was more along the lines of “make sure she does ____” and I’m sure he will take his job very seriously.

With my pregnancy all my energy has gone to keeping my baby safe and healthy, which I don’t mind at all, but it has left my body susceptible too all sorts of infections. At 6 weeks pregnant I had strep throat, at 8 weeks a yeast infection, and 12 weeks a bacterial infection and with each new thing the meds cost more and more. The first prescription was only $4 but today’s…$70!!! That was not exciting to see.

We ended the day playing poker, trying to win back the money we just spent on the medicine but about 2 hours into the game I found myself getting more and more aggravated with the other players who kept taking my money, so I went “all in” to have myself taken “all out” which allowed me to chill out. I did manage to keep down my Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich from Domino’s that I ate for dinner – even if I did only eat half of it before I fed the rest to Mark. Hopefully this will continue for a few days to help restore some much needed energy, but if it don’t I’ll at least know my baby is doing just fine and it will all be worth it in the end.

Week 11 - Figs and Doctors

Week 11 has come and my kumquat is gone, only to be replaced with the most adorable fig ever! My baby has its arms and legs and will soon be making fists to punch me with. This week has helped ease the “all day” nauseous but has replaced it with a whole lot of puking. Just yesterday alone I couldn’t keep down my breakfast or dinner – dinner ended up in the flower bed which my honey was nice enough to wash away for me.

This morning was my first doctor’s appointment at the Midwife Center, which was fun. Mark finally got to see the place and he was very impressed, he said the place was very “homey” which I agree. I am very happy with my decision to choose to have my baby here, even though my initial decision was based on the no insurance and it was more affordable to have the baby, but now I would have had the baby here even if I had the best insurance offered.

Today was more of a group meeting where me and about 7 other moms-to-be were introduced to the functions of the center and were rotated into different sections to have blood work done and our ultrasounds. I was last to have my ultrasound and at first the baby was sleeping – which scared me – I didn’t see it moving and my heart dropped. When I asked the tech if she could poke it with the wand thingie she just said that if I held my breath that she would wake up. Boy did she wake up…she started kicking and punching and moving her arms and twisting around. It was AMAZING! I managed not to cry but thinking about it again its hard not to cry in relief – my baby is perfectly fine! I’m gonna be a mommy! Oh – did I mention there is only one baby LOL – no multiples for me. (Pictures are posted on my facebook).

I have my next appointment on Monday, which will be more of a one-on-one appointment and my physical (which I really need – my last paps was back in 2005 if I’m not mistaken). Until then I hope that my sickness will get less frequent and I can go through a day and not fear that I will not make it to the bathroom or that someone will hear me puking in the bathroom at work. Will update next week – I wonder what size my baby will be then???

Week 10 - What's a Kumquat???

Well, it’s been 10 weeks and now my baby is the size of a kumquat – what the hell is a kumquat??? I guess my baby will still be referred to as a grape this week, or maybe I’ll regress back to a blueberry – that one was cute.

This past week was a rough one – most of which I wont get into. My emotions are still on high alert – I get my feelings hurt QUICKLY and I’m still getting sick all the time. I was a wreck all day Saturday getting ready for Terror’s baby shower. Bought her the cutest little outfit that said how great the boys Auntie was and when I wrote in sisters card it took me about an hour cause I didn’t want to cry when she read it – didn’t work too well.

Being at sister’s shower got me thinking about what we are going to do about mine in September. Since I can count on one hand who I would invite I figured it would be more fun to have a co-ed shower and have it be more of a BBQ or something, that way Mark’s friends could come too.

We are on the last leg of tax season – but it will still be very busy at the office until the end of the month. I feel bad that I am unable to work later than I have been due to the little grape sending these “feed me” warnings right at 5 and on the weekends all it wants to do is sleep and lay around to recoup from the prior week.

With the end of tax season brings my doctors appointment! Next Tuesday I will get to see my little baby for the first time – which I hope there is only ONE! It’s so funny going into this and be excited there is only one – most people don’t give a thought of there being more than one – we will find out soon.

Week 9 - Grapes

At 9 weeks my little kidney bean has grown up into a grape, which is good - I like grapes better. My sickness seems to be tapering off a little at a time and I haven’t felt really crappy in about a week. This past few days I’ve focused on financial planning for when my baby gets here. If I play my cards right I will be out of credit card debt by February at the latest and my car will be paid off by next May which will open up a lot of extra money each month (which I’m sure will be spent on diapers, clothes, and child care in some form). I’ve also confronted my ex about getting his stuff taken care of which effects me and at first he was like “whatever” but his tone changed real quick when he realized I was serious about putting his little behind in jail for contempt of court. I’m going to keep on him to have everything cleared up by the end of the year as well. I’ve accepted that my credit sucks because of what has happened and at the moment I don’t need it, however, I don’t know how much longer Mark’s truck is going to last and I’m sure we will need to get a new car at some point in the next year or two.

This past Sunday was Easter and we had everyone over to our house for dinner, turned out great. On the subject of eggs and chickens the child Mark asked if my baby was going to hatch out of an egg. Technically the baby WAS an egg at one point, he seemed to like that answer. He has been really helpful when I don’t feel well, he will get me water and offer to give me some of his Easter candy when he eats some. Its quite cute.

Emotionally I still want to cry all the time. I think of any random though and I just about bust into tears. I don’t think my temper has gotten the best out of me lately, I would like to say I’ve been pretty calm - Mark might say differently sometimes, but at least I’m trying.

Two more weeks until my doctors appointment - Sister and Mark are going with me - I cant wait! I will be 11 weeks at that point and my baby will be the most adorable gummy bear EVER!

Week 8 - Kidney Beans

At week 8 and my little blueberry has grown into a kidney bean with arms, legs and webbed fingers and toes. I’d like to say that I have adapted a little to the nausea but I’d be lying. I have figured out that I need to take cooler showers to keep me from passing out although that little tidbit almost came a little too late. Had my husband not thrown open the shower curtain and held me up the other day in the shower I would probably have a huge knot on my head from falling. MY HERO!

Speaking of my hero, he has been so great with everything. Due to a shooting incident last week he currently has a couple weeks off work so he has been helping me keep the house somewhat clean and fetches me food whenever I need it. He holds me when I need it and holds his breath when he has his nasty shit in his mouth so I don’t get sick being around him – If I can only get him to quit that nasty habit we’ll be in business.

I can tell my hormones are screwed a little loose – I find myself crying over the stupidest things like not getting my Chicken & Broccoli Chinese food for lunch. The other night I cried for about 15 minutes in Mark’s arms because I hadn’t had sex in about a week and a half and I didn’t care – who cries because they don’t care??? My imagination is going crazy too – Mark is caring for some dogs while the owner is away for a funeral and all I could think about when he went to get the keys to the house that the woman could have been so distraught that he “comforted” her – don’t get me wrong, I trust my husband and this woman very well (partly because Mark showed me how to shoot the guns in the house) but mostly because they’ve had their chance long ago and yet – here I am now. I’m still having crazy dreams – my favorite was at my baby shower someone gave me keys to my brand new SUV – Oh how I hope this one comes true!

In other news the child Mark had his first baseball game on Saturday in which he just about killed his father when he hit the ball right at him – luckily Mark has good reflexes and was on the ground in no time and the ball flew right by him. Although we are out of T-ball the 6 & 7 year olds are still adorable when they are trying to find the ball and running to the bases trying to get the other team out. Sad part was that my camera battery died so I missed catching a lot of the funnies, I got it charged up now so I can get it all at the next game.

Fear of single parenthood

Nineteen days ago I told my husband he was going to be a father, and today I came too close to becoming a single mom; not because we fought and threatened to split, but because he could have been killed in the line of duty. Today there was a chase which ended in a shootout between the police (my husband included) and a guy that decided to take the law into his own hands. God was watching out for the officers and none of them were hurt however it could have just as easily been me getting the phone call instead of the other guys family letting me know that my husband was the one dead.

I got the call at 4:30 from my husband letting me know he was ok and I accepted that – not really thinking about what really happened. It didn’t hit me until I got a phone call from one of Mark’s friends asking me if he was ok. I checked facebook and saw panicked messages to Mark asking if he was ok and it hit me…he could have been shot or killed. Why had I not realized this before? I knew there were dangers of being an officer’s wife but until now I hadn’t really given much thought into exactly HOW dangerous it was. I could not handle losing him – his children (both living and unborn) need their father.

Here it is now almost 10:00 and he still hasn’t made it home, although I have spoke with him briefly it is still not as satisfying as holding him, making sure he does not have a scratch on him and when I see for myself that he is ok I will beat him for scaring me like this!

Week 7 - How many to go???

Well, today marks the 7 week point in my baby’s unborn life…I read that my baby is about the size of a blueberry now - its still so hard for me to grasp the fact that I am knocked up and its steadily growing. The only reminder I have is the constant nausea and now the puking that started this morning. In one of my “I don’t feel good” pouts to Mark he just laughed and said I was NOT allowed to say it was his fault cause every month I would whine at him during my “girl week” and blame him that I was going through it since he failed to knock me up that month. I’m trying my best to “suck it up” and deal with the crappiness I’m feeling because I know my baby will be worth it.

When I get home I find at least one thing that I want to change or get before the baby gets here. I figured I have at least one more year before I’m gonna get new carpets cause I refuse to allow my baby to craw around on the ones I have. I had Mark put a lock on the gun closet this weekend - partly because puppy can now open doors and he thought it was funny to get in that closet and hide - NOT a good idea. Then I started thinking about where I was going to put all the baby’s things since I figured I’d have her in my room for at least the first 6 months or so - that one I haven’t figured out yet. The one big thing that keeps plaguing my mind is child care - I really don’t want to put my baby in day care, I hate the thought of some stranger raising my kid for me and I miss out on first words and steps. Hopefully daddy’s job works out really well and mama will be able to baby sit. I have to constantly remind myself not to stress out too much on things like that cause I have at least 10 months to figure it all out.

I’ve been dreaming about my baby (although in my dreams there are SEVERAL babies) almost every night…The last dream I had triplets and as they were delivered they were announced as all girls but when I held them I noticed the first two were definitely NOT girls and before I could look at the third I woke up. I don’t know if that is suppose to be some sort of sign to not get my hopes up on a girl or if me not seeing the third one means that my gut feeling that I am having a girl is true…I don’t know, I need to quit analyzing every little thing or I will drive myself nuts.

I will try to relax and let this change happen and whatever sickness happens to me is fine - just stay away from my baby!

I'm PREGNANT!

My life is about to change again… Yesterday after our first baseball practice I came home and took a pregnancy test and turned it upside down on the bathroom counter so I wouldn't be tempted to sit there and watch the results and went to cook dinner. I wanted to wait until Mark got home before I read it, however after I got dinner started I just couldn’t wait any longer. I have become an expert at taking these and have always been disappointed at the results so I figured this time it I would get the same result, that it wouldn’t matter that Mark wasn’t there to look at it with me…but this time it was different…this time it was positive! There I was, standing in the bathroom looking at the stick in my hands looking back and forth at the indicator strip and the box making sure that the plus line was actually there and it meant positive, for all I knew they could have changed the test. I grabbed the phone to text Mark and let him know that he needed to hurry home but I called sister instead and told her the results.

I felt like I owed it to sister to tell her first since I’ve been so bitter about her being pregnant and I wasn’t, especially since I wanted one and was ready for one. I got better with the thought that this was happening to her until I found out she was having twins. I fought with myself that I should be happy for her, and I was, but it was a hard pill to swallow and I felt guilty as hell for feeling that way. I just knew I was going to have to settle for being an aunt to my twin nephews that are to be born in June, and a step-mom to Mark Jr., and that I had to suck up the fact that I wasn’t having any kids of my own any time soon. But after months and months of heartache I finally have the results I’ve been longing for.

Mark finally made it home while I was on the phone with Sister and I had to hang up real quick so he didn’t get any ideas on what was going on. I went back into the kitchen to check dinner and waited for him to go into the bathroom and see the test sitting there, but as usual he was being stubborn. I had to walk out into the living room and ask him for a hug and while I was in his arms I asked him if he was mad at me for not waiting for the morning to take the test like we planned on doing and I started to cry. Of course he wasn’t mad at me but didn’t know why I was crying, it hadn’t donned on him what I was trying to say until I said “its positive”. To say he was excited would be an understatement. All he could do was hug me and laugh, then he had to run off and find the test so he could see it for himself, then pretty much call everyone in his phone.

There are still so many feelings running through me right now that it makes me dizzy at times…

Eagerness - I have to wait HOW LONG - gees…November is a long time away…

Disbelief - its hard to believe this is finally going to happen…

Regret - for making my sister feel bad about her getting pregnant before me - had I known for sure that I could have kids I would have been able to be a better sister for her when she needed me…

Fear - what if I don’t do something right? I hadn’t even given a thought to my drops until mother mentioned it to me…

Nervousness - Is what I am feeling normal or is something going wrong already?

But what I feel most of all is…

Happiness - my hopes and dreams are finally coming true…