It's a new year and therefore a mile marker to begin doing things differently if they weren't working in the past. My new year started by regressing rather than becoming better. I woke up bitter that we didn't stay awake for the new year and I missed my New Years kiss...I tend to have a problem if things are not done the way I think they should go I get bitter about it (resolution to fix #1). I ended up getting my kiss and the way I felt all day seemed so silly and completely not worth being upset about.
Last year I started off the year not knowing how hard the next few months were going to be during the busiest time at work as well as taking two classes at night. I was naive in thinking I could do it all, no problem. By the end of tax season I was exhausted, grumpy, stressed to the point of tears, my husband was feeling the same way. My thought process during the whole time was I was the one working and doing school, he gets the easy part of just having to take care of the house and kids. Well, if you have read my "Colleen is Three" post it is easy to see how not easy that job actually is. I didn't give him the credit he deserved and after all, he is not a woman and simply cannot multitask :). Going into this season I know it is going to be hard, I know that I am going to have to really be on top of everything to let this year run smoother than last year. I need to plan out things like dinners and babysitters up front so I don't stress over it later. I need to stick to a house cleaning schedule to make walking into the house even less stressful. Most of all I need to understand everyones limits, including my own (resolution #2).
This past year I noticed too much negative in the people I love and not nearly enough positive. I didn't appreciate who they really were and held it over them. I didn't notice how much my daughter really enjoyed playing with me, even if it is letting her play putting me to bed and reading me night night books while rubbing my back. Instead I focused on how much of a mess she made and how she was always into everything. I think I am in a lot of ways the same way - when nobody pays attention to me I tend to give them a reason to look, so why do I hold it over the head of a 3 year old? I recently read an article about how we tend to shut out those we love because they do not fit into our schedule as perfectly as we want them to. This year I am going to work on rectifying that problem (resolution #3).
Marriage is not for me...yep - its about time I really understand this. While I know marriage is not for me in theory, I really need to live by this. I married my husband because I love him, not because he loves me (although he married me because he loves me). I did not marry him so that he could do everything to make me happy - rather so I could do what I can to make him happy. I fail at this a lot, not that I don't make him happy, but I do a lot of times expect him to so the same. I need to quit being the selfish wife and stop focusing on just myself (resolution #4). Marriage is not for me, it is for the one I love.
This year I don't want to change numbers on a scale or have goals to stop eating McDonalds and drinking coke...no this year I want to change my negativity, I want to change my selfishness, I want to change the things that really need to change so that my family will continue on as a healthy, happy family.
