Just 30 minutes a day...

30 minutes a day...thats all I am required to give myself to keep from going completely crazy.

I use to think I was superwoman, that there was nothing that I couldn't handle...now I question if I can handle any of it.  I have always worked full time while I went to school at night.  I for the most part always had a husband while I went to school as well...so I figured I could handle a two year old too along with the husband and work while going to school and be fine.  Last semester I only went mildly crazy so I figured I could do it again this semester but lets add just one more thing to the mix...tax season.

As I make my schedules on my Schedule app, mapping out where I need to be at every 15 minute interval, attempting to find my 30 minutes a day to myself, I am not all that surprised when I find that in order to make the time available I have to wake up 30 minutes earlier each day (something I am not to thrilled about doing).  In the middle of my stress ball life, I find myself failing over and over again.  My new years resolutions...may as well throw those in the recycle bin...every single one is a failure.  The one that apparently my husband noticed on me failing was the "clean something every day" because my two year old daughter is even saying "mommy has to work on the house"...talk about a punch to the gut.  Waking up, getting ready, getting Colleen ready, going to work, go straight to school, finally getting home at 10 at night, write papers, make powerpoints, study...where is the time to clean the house?  I'm lucky to get to eat dinner in there somewhere.

By the time Wednesday rolls around I am already an hour behind in my "me" time and zero extra hours in at work which brings on more guilt of leaving work on time, knowing that my boss will still be working for several more hours but Wednesday is the only weekday that the whole family is together.

Thursday arrives and while most are rejoicing that the week is almost over, I am wondering where the past week has gone.  At this point in the week I am exhausted, my house is generally a complete disaster and I am now 2 hours behind in "me" time.  I have at this point eaten at McDonalds at least twice and my energy level is making sure I remember why I tried to give it up.

Friday...beginning of the weekend; the weekend of which I try to figure out how I can find a babysitter so I can put a few extra hours into work, most of the time to no avail.  When I do find a sitter it is Sister, who already spends all her time with kids with no breaks so I guilty add one more to the mix.  One day I will repay her for all the times she  has helped me out watching Colleen.

Saturday is spent either working, if I have someone to watch Colleen, or attempting to clean, which anyone with small kids knows that it is difficult to clean when there is a toddler making a new mess after you just cleaned it up and using chemicals to do the real cleaning while they are awake is a no no because they want to help and not worth the potential danger.  Then add in all the errands that I couldn't do throughout the week like the grocery shopping.

Sunday...the day of learning how to not stress for a few hours then come home only to remember there is a paper due the next day that you forgot about and we start the whole cycle over again.

There is a light at the end of my stress tunnel...next week is last week of school before spring break and in 45 days tax season will be over and I wont have to find sitters.  In the mean time I need to remember that I am NOT superwoman and I do need to take a break, even if it is just 30 minutes a day.