So tonight a page I was following did confessions segment for fun – which it was fun and disturbing at the same time. I’m sure I’m not the only one disturbed by the amount of people who cheat on their spouses or significant other. I find equally disturbing the number of people who “like” that fact. Imagine how many marriages would stay intact if people wouldn’t cheat. Do marriages get stale? Sometimes – but that doesn’t mean that you give up and find someone else to fill that void. When you get married you stick it out. Sure, I might sound a little hypercritical since I’ve been divorced and didn’t stick it out but I didn’t cheat. Granted I didn’t wait for the divorce to be final before I continued with my life but the relationship itself was over and there was no going back.
How to avoid an affair…
Have sex – often (read my blog on sex in marriage) – if you are going weeks and even months without sex (and your spouse is NOT deployed) then there is a real danger of you or your spouse straying.
Confess – if you have thoughts of straying tell someone – if you can’t keep yourself honest then bringing a friend or even your spouse into your thoughts can keep you honest. I know if I ever told my husband I was having inappropriate thoughts about someone else he would make sure I was taken care of (not that I’ve had to do this).
Don’t put yourself in a position where you can have an affair – don’t go party and get drunk without someone to protect you otherwise you may find yourself waking up with someone else not knowing how you got there – better yet, don’t drink to get drunk.
Keep your distance – you don’t want to confess everything to someone of the opposite sex to be consoled – you will find yourself liking this person better than your own spouse if you are having problems already in your marriage.
Give your spouse access to everything you own – when you are in a marriage there should be no secrets (other then what you plan on doing special for your spouse). Would it be so bad if your spouse read your emails and logged into your facebook account or even checked your phone to see who you were talking to? If so – ask yourself why – what do you have to hide and should you be hiding that? If you want to keep something private, write a journal – at least it is only you and the paper and nobody else.
Surround yourself with people who have the same values – if you hang out with someone who is cheating on their spouse then they are likely to bring you down instead of preventing you from doing the same thing.
If you find yourself in a position where you think another party might believe you are interested in them be straight up with them. Make sure they are aware that you have no intention of starting anything. The worst thing that will happen is they think you are a little conceded but at least you are on the same page.
Decide not to – if you never give yourself the option to have an affair then you won’t.
Lastly – Respect yourself and others. Just as you wouldn’t want to be cheated on don’t be the one someone is cheating with.
Tanya, I love reading your post. I often find some great advice and being able to be open minded, it often helps to see things from others point of view. My husband and I said we would never cheat and If we ever felt the need to be with someone else it was because we no longer wanted to be together. What most people fail to realize is that a marriage is something that has to be tended like a garden. You need to weed out what is not necessary. Love and tend the things that are and your marriage will grow. That is a hard job for many because we as humans have so much outside input as to how we should run our life and to me its easier to keep the weeds out and let the life grow.
ReplyDeleteThanks - I find myself having to write things down so that I can rationalize everything. I put it out there for everyone else so that they can hold me accountable too.
Delete