Sex in marriage...

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Who would have thought that this would actually be discussed in church – it is officially my favorite passage in the bible. I actually found this passage several months ago and sent it to my husband who laughed and said that only I would be able to find something like this.

It’s a proven fact that couples fight the most about two things, sex and money. Without divulging too much personal information, this is a “discussion” I’ve had with my husband several times. It is pretty obvious to anyone that there is a large age difference between my husband and I (18 years to be exact) and while there isn’t much that the age difference affects our sex life is one of them (me being 26 and at my peak).

Sex…it has become a dirty word and a casual act at the same time. While I am not one to preach about saving sex until marriage – I didn’t wait, however I wish I had. I was by no means loose – I can count the number of men I kissed on one hand and my ex husband was my first. Sex is more of an emotional connection for me and before my husband and I were married there was always something missing and once the “I Do’s” were said something changed, perhaps it was the shame that was no longer there. Now it is the physical intimacy that makes me feel the most loved and that is what I crave the most…the love, not pleasure (not that it’s not pleasurable – because it is amazing).

Sex and marriage go hand in hand. In almost 3 years of marriage I could probably count on one hand the number of times I have said “not now” because I feel like it is my job as a wife to keep my husband from looking elsewhere for it, although he would argue that its because I’m a nymphomaniac. Honestly, in today’s society there are so many challenges to marriage, why risk the possibility of adultery by denying your spouse? If you are sexually satisfied then why would you look elsewhere?

I’m a firm believer in not putting yourself into positions that could lead down a dangerous path. While I understand my husband has friends of the opposite sex and even his boss is a female, I trust that he won’t ruin our family with one of them. At the same time I expect him not to develop any new relationships with other women on a personal level. Although I trust him, I do have check mechanisms in place so that if he began to stray he would have to be very sneaky to do it and hopefully an alarm would go off in his heart to keep him from pursuing it. Some may say I’m not trusting because I do keep tabs on him but I see it more as protecting my marriage. I don’t do anything behind his back, he knows everything I look at and he agreed to allow me to keep tabs on before we ever thought of getting married. He has the same free reign of everything I have as well although he doesn’t take advantage of it. If you could do something to protect your marriage, wouldn’t you do it as well?

We have both been married before, so we are both aware that marriage is not guaranteed to last if we don’t put the effort into it. We make a choice every day to be married and if there is a hard day we do what is necessary to make it to the next day. I’m sure everyone has had make-up sex at one point or another – this has a way of reassuring one another that everything is going to be ok. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is nicer when I feel loved, wanted and appreciated.

So what’s the lesson we learned today…Have sex because it will make your wife (or husband) nicer, it will keep third parties out of your marriage, and most importantly…God said so.