My first gun class...success!

Never would I have ever imagined that I would sit here and wonder about what type of gun I would like for myself. I didn’t think I would ever tell my husband I wanted a P22 but after a few hours change my mind because it wasn’t strong enough. Talking about guns is usually at the bottom of my list of things to talk about unless it’s a “No honey, we can’t afford that gun right now.” My newfound excitement about guns came yesterday when I finally took one of Mark’s classes.

A month or so ago, our church did a “Just Married” series in which the sermons were geared towards how to make your marriage better. It was from those messages that I started to feel like I needed to do something so that we could live happily ever after so I contacted the church to get some additional help which lead to taking the enneagram test and eventually led to me making an appointment to see a counselor. I knew I had a problem with relationships in the aspect that I have an overwhelming desire to make them perfect and when something goes wrong, I go into panic overload. I constantly live in fear of the unknown and since both Mark and I have been married before I know that it is very easy to fall into that “divorce” state of mind. I am determined for that to never be an option in our relationship, as is Mark – but that FEAR is still there. Anyway – among other things the counselor suggested I do, one was to do things Mark wants to do. I like spending time with him but I hate dirt, bugs, heat, etc. I have to start choosing what I hate more…the outdoors OR not doing things with my husband. Hence, the gun class.

The class was actually a lot of fun, including the lecture at the beginning on gun safety (this was BEGINNER class so lecture time was inevitable) and my only beefs with the lecture were the parts that I have heard 1000 times (being the instructor’s wife – I was bound to hear some stories A LOT) but for the rest of the class participants it was no problem and overall interesting.

Starting off the shooting portion of the class I had a few issues with the gun I was using – which was later fixed with using a different kind of bullet. (Apparently the P22 I was using likes a better quality bullet then the “class guns” that Sister was using). I was hitting my target despite the sight problems I have. With my vision is corrected in a way that one eye sees close and one eye sees far – and the front sight of the gun happens to fall in the “no see” section which creates a problem with accuracy of bullet placement.   

After a few drills of shooting the target, we started to get into more “real world” scenarios instead of standing and shooting drills.  I tend to have the mentality that nothing bad is going to happen to me so the scenarios themselves were a little unnecessary in my mindset BUT was still good to know since my fantasy world is not reality.    One person taking the class said that if I was ever robbed then my mindset would change…well – I have been robbed before – at gunpoint, but I guess my mind blocks it out with the “lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice” attitude.  Nevertheless – I feel more confident now that IF something were to happen I would know more what to do. 



When we started the “reloading drills” I switched guns to Mark’s Glock (I LOVE that gun)!  When I looked back at the pictures of the class I noticed that with the little gun (P22) my stance was way off and I think it was because of how much the gun DID NOT kick so I wasn’t forced to really hold onto it, but with the Glock I KNEW I had to hold it a lot firmer otherwise it would kick my butt.  I did a lot better with that gun, however it did end up hurting my hand a little bit after shooting it several times – so I switched to a 9MM (don’t know exactly what gun it was – but I felt like Goldie Locks – after trying the baby gun, and the daddy gun – the mama gun fit just right).

Although the class was a blast – the best thing was seeing my husband in action and him knowing that I do support him.  This has opened up such a HUGE part of his life that I can actually be a part of now which is very precious to me.  Perhaps once I REALLY decide what gun I want (and have it painted HOT PINK!!!) we can start having date night at the range.  He would never turn that one down!    

I will protect who I want to be...

I’ve been searching and searching for a blog with the same ideas as I have for myself and my family.  I kept thinking “I can’t be the only one to think this way” but after empty searches I have given up on finding a “how to be me” blog and decided I needed to make my own.  First I have to figure out how to be me comfortably…

How I protect who I want to be…

I am determined to have a great relationship with my husband – granted some of my methods might be a little backwards but for the most part I feel my determination will eventually prevail.  Part of my dedication to my husband is my commitment to him to remain faithful.  I have made comments in the past about me not having or wanting male friends because I don’t want there to ever be the opportunity of an affair occurring.  The comments I got from this were for the most part unsupportive.  This is something I chose for myself and not for anyone else.  I was basically told that because I chose not to have male friends that I was not trusting and did not truly love my husband cause if I did I would have nothing to worry about.  I beg to differ – it is because I truly love my husband that I keep myself away from potentially dangerous situations.  Why would I need a friend (not acquaintance) of the opposite sex at this point in my life?  If I need a guy’s opinion – I ask my husband; if I want to do “guy” things- I do them with my husband.  I am almost certain that of those who had affairs, the affair started off as some type of innocent friendship. 

Along the same aspect of friendship – I have began to weed out “friendships” (more like acquaintances) and cutting off connections with those who have completely different viewpoints of what they want out of life.  Just a few examples of this would be…

People actively seeking or involved in extramarital relationships – I have no respect for those cheating on their spouse.  While I understand that people have made mistakes in their past and I don’t hold that against them, but they can control the present and prevent the future. 

I do not want to be around or even talk about drugs.  I have never tried them nor will I ever try them.  Honestly, even the discussion of someone else doing drugs makes me uncomfortable.  I have nothing to prove to those who say I am missing out or that there is nothing wrong with it.  That’s fine – you do what you want to do but keep it away from me and my family. 

I do not need to drink and party every night – I have a little girl at home who needs me more then I need to have fun time.  Perhaps when she is MUCH older I will go out more but there is enough that I miss while I am at work – I don’t want to miss out on more.

I will be a positive influence in my children’s lives.  I will not let TV or video games raise my kids.  I will know and approve what they watch, I will know their friends, I will take them to church, and I will tell them NO. 

I will be who I will be and not allow anyone to try to make me more “relaxed” because I feel when I drop the values I hold close to my heart, it’s not only me that I will fail, but my family too.  I feel in today’s society I have to be even more particular because there are so many negative influences, most of which go unnoticed by so many.  I have allowed people to influence my decisions in the past to do things I regret and it may happen again in the future – but it is going to be a fight getting to that point. 

Choosing to be Positive

The more I try to make my life better the more I notice how much the outside world influences me.  I am very thankful that I am becoming more aware of what is going on around me and am able to pinpoint things that I do not like and do not want in my life.  Although I consider myself a rational person, irrational thoughts do tend to run through my head constantly; most of it involves my family life. 

I have the tendency to go into crisis mode if my husband and I ever argue and want to immediately make up some rules or some other type of structure to keep the argument from happening again because I fear in 20 years our marriage will be in shambles if we don’t do something RIGHT NOW.   A few weeks ago I went into meltdown mode at one of our small group meetings because we were discussing marriage.  One of the couples in our group has been married for 25+ years and they said they never fight and are very loving toward one another.  Immediately I knew I wanted that but had no clue how to get that kind of marriage – hence meltdown mode.  I’m not use to couples actually liking each other after they had been married for so long.  I’m use to “he’s so stupid!” or “I’m here because I’m tolerant” and that scares the crap out of me because I don’t want that for myself. 

I remember getting so frustrated with my husband for not understanding my urgency to make our marriage as good as we could possibly get it but then I asked him “didn’t your parents ever fight?”  He looked at me and said that he honestly doesn’t remember them fighting.  I knew then that this was my fight; it is almost like he is oblivious to how bad marriage could actually be.  My fear is not something I can blame on others – I am an adult now and I need to retrain myself to look at the good and not focus so much on the bad. 

I’ve been fighting this fight of focusing on the good for a few weeks already and have already noticed a few simple changes in my own behavior.  Checking back on my Facebook my negative comments have been very controlled.  I notice while reading other’s comments I get a sick feeling when I come across one that I know is not a positive influence on me and I reevaluate my relationship with the person posting the status.  If I find this person is constantly negative I hide their posts, otherwise I chalk it up to having a bad day.   This is one of my boundaries I have set up for myself.  I’m not going to continue to allow other people to drag me down with their destructive behavior. 

My boundaries are a topic of their own, one of which I will address shortly.  I need to write them down and share them so that way others will know and hopefully respect my boundaries if there is ever a time where they could possibly be crossed.