Words

Words...

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"...I grew up saying that over and over again.  As a child you are told to ignore mean and hateful words and as an adult you realize that words are what hurts the most.

For the last few weeks the church I attend has been doing a series entitled "Love Handles" which has prompted many deep thoughts (as I'm sure was the intention of the series) but even if you're not a "Bible Person", as Andy Stanley would say, the series would benefit everyone.   This past Sunday's message discussed relationship challenges - more specifically how we speak to others.  This sermon came at the perfect timing for my life considering my 8th wedding anniversary is right around the corner and my thoughts were already centered around my relationship with my husband and how to make it better.  There was one verse that was discussed that really hit me hard.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Ephesians 4:29

My immediate thought on this was in regards to political discussions/rants/etc.  This is likely due to the recent articles that have flooded my Facebook news feed during the past few days regarding Kathy Griffin's photo stunt, Trumps stance on supporting some global warming thing, and even local court cases that have been settled.  I tend to stay out of politics because I know I do not have the time to devote to actually reading and researching the actual topics and with so much fake news out there I don't know what to believe.  So instead what I see is my friends and family sharing news stories with their take on the topic at large along with slanderous comments towards the person in which the article was about or the other political party.  If the post itself wasn't bad enough then you have the numerous comments under the post.  I understand people have different political views but there is a way to express those and not tear down the person who opposes your views.  Even when one is not calling out one particular person with their comments but rather lumps a whole group of people in their rant - it still hurts others.  I may not be the most politically correct person in the world and I know for a fact that sometimes (more often than I want to really admit) the words that I say are not conducive to bringing others up but at the same time I honestly believe that I don't intentionally go out intending on hurting others either.  That's not to say I've not done so in the past...that can be seen by my Timehop app that shows me my Facebook posts from the beginning of time and I'll be honest and admit that I am ashamed of some of the things I have said and done on social media. This is how I know I have matured as a person - feeing shame for the things I have said or done - otherwise I still would be doing those things.  As some read this I can guarantee there are some posts immediately coming to mind that you wish you took a different approach to your post/comments as well.

My second thought to this Bible passage was how I talk to my family; especially my daughter.  I'm a yeller...I never wanted to be but somehow it happened. I will ask her to do something once, maybe twice and then the yelling begins.  I hate this about myself.  Colleen will even remind me of this every time she yells at me not to yell at her - but at that moment when it is thrown back in my face I'm already at my boiling point that I pass off the blame to a six year old - "well if you would listen the first time I wouldn't have to yell!"  And then proceed to chastise her for yelling at me even though she just learned it was ok to yell by my own actions.  What warped logic is that?  Nobody makes me do anything - I am in control of my actions and me alone, just as everyone else is responsible for their own actions. It's not only my daughter I do this to - my husband also gets the brunt end of my temper and somehow I rationalize that by raising my voice that he will finally hear what I am saying but logically I know that is the exact moment he shuts me out completely.  I can probably count on one hand the number of times my husband has lost his cool with me and resorted to yelling during our 9 year relationship but I don't think there are enough fingers and toes in my house that can track the amount of times I've lost my cool in the past year alone.  Again, I am ashamed of my actions.

It is so much easier to find the faults of others than it is to find your own, myself included.  This post originally started off as something completely different than it ended up being.  Sometimes I have to write things down in order to see truths about myself and I hope in sharing my truths it will help others find theirs as well.  Unfortunately/fortunately we cannot change the past but we can realize our present and adjust to make a better future. Will I ever say something that will bring someone down or yell again in frustration and anger?   Absolutely - but I hope that in shining light on things I need to change that I will become more aware of them and prevent them from reoccurring in the future.