Love is a choice

I went to church this morning and the one thing that really stuck out that the pastor said was that love is a choice; its not the butterflies you feel when you are with someone or the romance that is there or not – you have to choose to love someone. When I thought about it I realized how true this statement was. I remember watching The Wedding Planner and there was a scene where J-Lo’s father was explaining to her about his arranged marriage with her mother. He explained how “I appreciated her, then the appreciation grew to respect, respect grew to like, then like grew to love, a deeper love than I could ever hope for.” Isn’t that how you should find love? By meeting someone, getting to know them, respect them, like them, love them? You can’t force love and if you love someone for physical aspects what happens when it goes away?

I could have very easily been shallow and never married my husband because of physical attributes – don’t get me wrong, I am attracted to my husband, but I love him for him and not his looks. The only reason I push for him to lose weight is not because of how it looks, but because his weight was unhealthy. I want him to live as long as he possibly can and he already has an 18 year disadvantage so the more I can help him do to extend his life expectancy the better off he will be.

I understand now how people can stay married to someone for so long – long after the honeymoon phase is gone, long after the kids have grown and moved away and even after the grandkids arrive…it’s a choice. With this “eye opener” I have a deeper understanding of marriage and am more confidence that this marriage will not end in a divorce like my first one. We are both determined to make this work and we both choose every morning that we are going to stay married and love each other.

Choosing to love does not only apply to your spouse but also your kids. Not everyone has that natural love for their children, as evident by the number of deadbeat moms and dads. Being a parent is hard work and it could be so easy to throw your hands up and say “I’m done” if it wasn’t for the love you have for them. There is nothing glamorous about changing smelly diapers, cleaning up puke, getting up at wee hours of the morning, nursing a biting baby, rocking while there is someone screaming in your arms or even washing green beans out of your hair. I am so thankful that I have the “mothering gene” and have no problem loving my child with everything I have but I’ll be honest and say – sometimes I may not like her that much. Sometimes I do have to rock her long after she fell asleep just to recharge and reaffirm that life is going to continue on and it will be great.