It takes a village...

Children are running around hitting, screaming, telling parents what to do, and being all out disobedient. Why? Is it because parents don’t have the help they need? Is it because the schools can no longer do anything about it? Is it because spankings are a thing of the past for the majority of the population? I think it is a combination of all the above. One thing I have learned is that no child is the same – therefore not one type of discipline fits every child but one thing is for certain – when disciplining a child, consistency is key.

I was raised getting spankings – not that I was a bad child but I did have my share. Now that I am an adult, while I am not against spankings, I have learned it is not the only effective tool to disciplining children. I have a step-son, who is going to be 8 on Friday, and while I had to adjust to my role as supporter I proved my own theory that children also adjust to certain people and situations. While I thought giving spankings was the only way to make a child behave it was not my place to be the one to dish out that type of punishment, I have never laid a hand on him, but he listens to me and when he is with me he behaves. I credit this to my consistency with him – when I say no – I mean it and when he does something he is told not to do I take action – whether it be sitting down for a time out or taking something away – whichever the situation called for. Since spanking was not an option for me to do I had to adjust. Now if a situation warrants a spanking and I am by myself, I deal with whatever it is until his father gets home and allow him to take over from there.

Something my husband has shoved into my head is “its different when it is your own kid” and while I brushed it off I am beginning to see the truth in that statement. This is why I think me not being Mark’s biological parent has been a blessing in disguise because I can see things that his father can’t and hopefully he will grow up to be a better person because of it. This is also where I think society has gone wrong – because it is different when it comes to your own kids, when punishment left the school system so did the outside support to keep children in line.

How many times have you seen a child not listening to their parents? A LOT! But what do we do? Nothing - we think to ourselves “that parent needs to get a handle on that child” instead of helping them. Parenting is exhausting at times and it’s a 24/7 job – sometimes parents just want the child to shut up so they give into them, creating a bigger problem then what was going on at the moment. I wonder how many parents would be offended if a stranger backed them up by saying “your mother/father said no, you need to listen to them” – and if they are offended – why? I can understand if a stranger came up and started correcting an action without giving the parent time to react (unless it is a very dangerous situation) – but to be supportive after the order is given is something different. We as a society need to step up and help raise the youth. Single parents I believe have an even harder time – I for one would hate to have every decision lying on my shoulders and unfortunately a lot of people are in this position.

This entire blog can be summed up in one saying – “it takes a village to raise a child” but can we become that village again? Nobody wants to feel like they can’t raise their children to be respectable adults on their own but if you think back to the past – kids were never raised by just their parents. People were not afraid to speak up when a child misbehaved, teachers took matters into their own hands, and children were respectful in fear of getting that spanking they deserved if they weren’t. Most children in today’s society fear nothing…

See also my blog about Raising Kids