Tanya texted me early this afternoon to tell me I was on call, and that she was headed to the Midwife Clinic. At the time I was hanging out with my old friend Angel, who is in town this week showing off her new baby. So it was really a day of babies. I kept in contact with Tanya all day. She actually went back home for a while because she wasn’t dilated enough, so I headed to work at 4:30 like usual. When I talked to her on my first break she was in the middle of contractions and headed back to the Clinic. I had a feeling I’d be leaving work early (thank goodness for flextime!). I told her to keep me updated and let me know when I should leave. I called again right before my lunch break and spoke with her sister, Tara, who told me Tanya was in the tub and hard labor was going to happen at some point and she’d call me when I needed to come.
Tanya texted me a little after 9:30 and told me Colleen wasn’t going to make it ‘til 1:00 (which is when I was scheduled to get off work). I told her I’d leave work at 10:00, and I did. I asked her if she wanted me to bring her anything, and she requested popsicles. Of course all of the grocery stores in the vicinity close really early, so there was nothing open. I felt bad to get there empty handed - I actually knocked on the window of Food Lion in Pooler and looked really tragic but they weren’t impressed. They were closed. So I drove to the Clinic. Sped a bit ;).
I had to call for directions on how to turn into the building - you have to drive in by the KFC, go around another building, and you’ll find yourself there. Tara was nice enough to let me in. Tanya was up walking around, trying to encourage Colleen to come out more quickly. Tanya’s mom was there, along with Tara’s 2 twin baby boys, Tanya’s dad, and her husband, Mark. The men were hiding in a room in the back, somewhat overwhelmed. Tanya was in good spirits even though she was having really painful contractions like 5 minutes apart. I ate some deer jerky & grapes (snacks were provided, haha) and walked around with Tanya. The building is in a square shape with a hallway going all the way around, so we were sashaying because she had to get her hips moving. We were sort of dancing and Tara was taking an endless amount of pictures.
Tanya was really starting to suffer and went to lay down for a while. I rubbed the small of her back with some warming lubricant while her mom rubbed her back. She was kneeling on the bed by now to try to move the baby in a better position. Then after a bathroom break and plenty more contractions, she got into the jacuzzi tub, where she planned to give birth. (Sidenote: midwife clinics are so the way to go - why does anyone go to a hospital unless they have to?!) The midwife thought she looked really uncomfortable the way she was sitting, which she did, and said someone should get in the tub with her and support her. I volunteered, stripped down to my bra and underwear, and dove in, if you will. Keep in mind Tanya is totally naked at this point, and her husband Mark is in the room, along with her mom, her sister, and one or both of her sister’s babies. It is absolutely mind-boggling how pregnancy makes being naked totally okay.
So I got in the tub and Tanya sat in front of me, her back to my stomach. And I held her hand and supported her arms while she pushed. There were fluids floating around (the midwife fished them out with a little fishing net, I swear to god) and Tanya was so miserable. I felt so awful for her. She was just in so much pain, she was delirious. She kept snapping at poor Mark who was really trying his best. She just couldn’t let go & couldn’t relax & let the baby come so she kind of took it out on him (but I don’t think he took it too personally). She squeezed my fingers pretty hard and my arms kind of went numb for a while but I wasn’t moving for anything. The midwife checked the baby’s heart rate very regularly (until the nurse came and then she took over) and was concerned when it was slowing a little. She had Tanya sit up some which helped a little but the decision was finally made to move her to the bed.
After we both got out of the tub, I changed into some dry underwear, threw on a robe, and came back into the room. Tanya was on the bed with her mom on one side and Mark on the other, with Tara and I as observers and occasional procurers of water and cold cloths. Tanya was straight up in some misery. She had been crying in the tub and wanting the baby to come out, but the midwife super calmly told her Colleen was taking her time and this was her first baby so she was blazing the trail. I may have made a really lame Oregon Trail reference here. This midwife, by the way, was so reassuring. She has been running this clinic for literally 23 years, and she was calm and chill and you could tell she’d help women giver birth literally hundreds of times. My cousin is a midwife in Germany and she came and did an internship with her like 10 years ago and the midwife remembered her, it was neat :).
So now comes the for real pushing part. She had been doing some pushing in the tub, but due to positioning it just wasn’t working for her. So when she’s on the bed she’s now pushing with every contraction and yelling & moaning a little bit (but not as much as I expected - I would have been cursing a blue streak). I’d been texting Scott & Ramsey all night with updates and of course when I was in the tub I was not texting, so when I finally checked my phone I’d gotten 3 super impatient texts from Scott demanding updates ;). I told him “sorry in labor!” and then sent him updates in between each contraction. They were coming almost constantly at this point.
Watching the head try to peek its way out has got to be one of the most exciting things I’ve ever witnessed. Like, Tanya had been walking around for 9 months getting bigger & bigger, and I went to her shower, and I felt Colleen’s limbs from the outside, but now she was seriously busting loose! I kept thinking it was like she was busting out of jail ;). Tanya was pushing like crazy with every contraction (you have to push like you’re taking a shit, seriously, and don’t scream out of your lungs because it wastes the energy you could be using to PUSH). She had to take lots of rests in between because omg so much work! I’d gotten there at 10:30 and by this time it was after 1:00 in the morning. Mark had made a personal bet that she’d be out by then but that was not the case.
Finally, right towards the end, I was able to see more and more of her head. And then all of a sudden she gave this huuuuuge push and BAM there was a BABY. Like, where there hadn’t been one before! Just all messy and attached and kinda whimpering and at this point the floodgates opened and I just started sobbing like crazy. I just stood there and cried. It was absolutely one of the most emotional moments of my life. It’s absolutely indescribable. Tanya just looked so overwhelmed and there was a BABY and Colleen cried a little bit and they dried her off and cleared out her lungs and her nose and suddenly everyone was taking pictures. All I could do was send out a text message saying, “she’s here! it’s amazing” and cry some more. I probably cried off and on for a good 10 minutes, and I’m not really a crier like that, unless it’s a movie or a book.
I really desperately wanted Ramsey to be there holding me, but he obviously couldn’t be there (although he did send me some really sweet texts) so I grabbed Mark and gave him a huge hug. We were both pretty emotional. He told me later that even though I was a “flaming bleeding heart liberal” (Mark and I bicker constantly about politics, he’s a gun-toting Fox News aficionado) that if anyone tried to hurt me, he’d come after them. It was incredibly sweet and I was touched. We’d actually been “discussing” politics much earlier in the night; when Tanya heard us from the bathroom she told her sister to tell us to stop talking politics. It was pretty funny.
So back to Colleen. Some newborns (many newborns) are not especially cute. They’re kind of weird and alien-like. Not this baby. She is absolutely gorgeous. I don’t even think it’s because I’m biased. I genuinely think she’s a really cute baby. When I finally got up close and got to see her snuggled up against Tanya, I just couldn’t stop smiling and of course I started crying a little bit again. Mark snapped some pictures while I’m all emotional in my robe; I’m sure those’ll be pretty great.
Colleen was born right around 1:54 and I think she shit on her mom like 10 minutes later, no exaggeration. Oh and did I mention the placenta?! I’ve always been kind of weirdly fascinated by it, and it just looks so gross and awesome all at the same time, I feel like a 13 year old boy when I see it. Mark cut the cord, which I photographed, then we all stood around for a while as the nurse and the midwife did some medical type stuff. Colleen figured out breast-feeding and Tanya took it like a trooper, she said it didn’t really hurt, but after labor what the hell is some pinching on your nipples anyway?
I changed back into my clothes and hung out a little bit longer, chatting with Tanya and feeding her some crackers. I ate a slice of Domino’s meat lover’s pizza before I left. I finally walked out the door around 3:00 in the morning, and I truly feel like I walked out a changed woman. I know lots of women all over the world give birth every day, but it really is a miracle. It’s absolutely astounding, really.
To read more of Colleen's Birth Story read My POV
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